you'd expect it to be some part of a plan
you'd expect it to last forever
you'd expect it to be your last shot at the moon
you'd expect to be happy

and you're met with a question with no answer
and you found bitter truth hidden in lies
and you're stranded in the chance of slight happiness at the expend of prolonged tranquility

and you wish to stay in the moment forever
in between the worse of the opposite ends
in between nothingness and broken hearted

and you've seen this coming
but neglect it
went ahead with it
let illusion sways you far off
where logic is but a distant dream

leaving you stranded
with no happy ending

it is at this moment you'd wish to close your eyes, let your heart played its final beat and take the pain away

let there be rain

I will meet you in some place
where the light lends itself to soft repose

I will let you undress me
but I warn you, I have thorns like any rose

and you could hurt me with your bare hands
you could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say
but I'm lost to you now
and there's no amount of reason to save me

so break me
take me
just let me feel your arms again

break me
take me
just let me feel your love again

feels like being underwater
now that I've let go and lost control
water kisses fill my mouth
water cloud fills my soul

so break me
take me
just let me feel your arms again

make me
I'll let you make me
just let me feel your love again

kiss me once
well, maybe twice
oh, it never felt so nice

break me
take me
just let me fill your love again

break me
I'll let you make me
just let me feel your arms again

just let me
feel your love again

like a grass of some type, you're witnessing the growth of a perfect greenish yellow flower on a pedestal.

it was blooming.

and when it got older it's gotten stronger, it's gotten tougher, battered by the sun, shot by heavy rain, bashed by dusts, scrawny around the edges, but surviving, and you thought its jolt from the ground is imminent..

and you regret.

and you hope and you hope and you wish and you pray and you expect and you hope and then hope some more that it will not be, without your involvement.

and you regret..

i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow
i feel my fate in what i cannot fear
i learn by going where i have to go

we think by feeling, what is there to know?
i hear my being dance from ear to ear
i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow

of those so close beside me, which are you
god bless the ground! i shall walk softly there
and learn by going where i have to go

light takes the tree, but who can tell us how?
the lowly worm climbs up a winding stair
i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow

great nature has another thing to do
to you and me, so take the lively air
and, lovely, learn by going where to go

this shaking keeps me steady, i should know
what falls away is always. and is near
i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow
i learn by going where i have to go

well..

just like what happens almost every six months, my dbE earphone broke again after the fifth purchase. What makes it worse is that this particular earphone broke after only about four months or so, which is shitty..

I have to say that it's quite stupid if people don't learn why the same earphone continue to break within a course of owning five now, and I've got a pretty good analysis, or hypothesis, why this shit keeps having the right dongle stop making sound.

it was always with the same preceding action, which is plugging it into a stupid laptop or computer.. blah even my speaker system has its right side muting on me..

anyways, this particular earphone was jacked in a laptop on one lazy afternoon, simply because I need to hear Obama's stupid debate, about taxation, health and insurance for the americans that has absolutely nothing to do with me, my well being or concern..

to cut the story short, I was then flew to Bali where I forgot my ipod charger, hence forcing me to hear music from my phone, which was the reason why the previous same earphone broke in the first place: the 3.5mm jack wasn't gold plated, which the different edges on the jack input, as the phone obviously require another strip for mic, mess up the earphone's jack sensitivity.. I'm talking about the previous same earphone.. which should be easy enough to fix, but my beautiful wife just had to throw it away in one of her 'cleaning up the room' endeavor..

and on to this same earphone, in the present time, right before the right side just stopped screaming, it's frequency was noticeably louder, almost hurting my head, which is weird as the phone wouldn't normally produce such loud noise..

and when I made a quick tour to the bathroom, it just stopped working.

so what is this dbE in ear headphone I'm talking about..


 

facebook says becomes your dream.

one page on facebook says it's not the desire that kills me, it's the hope.

truth be told, never in life that I really want something. and it felt like shit knowing that at the end of the day, it's all you've ever wanted.

my sister said that sometimes, all we want is a closure. that or something like all we need is a closure.

takuya kimura said on good luck that he's finally coming to terms with his condition. "now you're here talking all this shit to me.."

that's exactly how I felt.

I used to say applying for a scholarship is like buying a lamp by philips,

you plug it in and forget about it.

a guy I know back in university said that winning a scholarship to Japan is like buying a lottery, you win it or lose it. I disagree. because for me buying a lottery does not signify how much you love lottery, though it does signify how much it means to win it. and there's no skill required to win a lottery, you will only need to have a little money, walk down to the nearest store and make your payment.

docnomads asked me to make a small documentary feature.

which I did.

in no sense it was like buying a fuckin lottery.

it requires a certain degree of knowledge in story telling, camera and lenses, human interaction and the ability to combine them to come up with an output worthy of anyone's time.

though if we put it in that sense, by no means should it come close to the philips light bulb analogy.

both statements, whence to convey the act of actually applying, somewhat means the same though paint a diferent picture.

when lottery seems like a mindless thing to buy simply driven by the miniscule probability of winning it, light bulb signifies absolute necessity, the very thing god created at the end of his seven-day universe-creation process, or as quoted from the old testament, and forgetting it would be to continuously enjoying it radiance, endure the hope, or what one page on facebook says the very thing that kills.

I remember the first time I touched a camera, back in highschool, I remember the first time I actually owned one, back at univ, and I remember the first time taking motion images.

I remember how grateful I was finding an old footage of my mom, how disapointed I was losing a footage of my grandma,

and I'll remember how shitty it felt waiting for a closure that never comes.

but I guess at the end, like humans do, I will finally coming to terms with it,

I just hope that now I'd believe the lottery shit more than the light bulb. so than, at least, I could easily walk down to the nearest store when this one turned out to be a dud.

afterall, it's common knowledge that lottery has always been a no-win proposition for the lot of us,

why should it be any different this time?

I'm currently playing pat metheny and brad mehldau's make peace on youtube, hence the title.

or the other way around

I currently think how people should make peace, in many things, hence the title, and I'm currently playing pat metheny and brad mehldau's make peace on youtube.

making peace, in my opinion, is not only about forgiving yourself for your past mistakes, but also your discontent to many things, that you think is making war inside you.

it's not easy, it's not suppose to be easy.

like my wife, who is currently on her 30th birthday, happy birthday love, and has since a year and a half ago got this rare skin rash that's ichin like hell, she'd say.

it's not going to be easy making peace with rare skin rash that's ichin like hell.

but it's should be somewhat easier to make peace with your present condition, emotionally, financially, musically, artistically, personally, whatever it is that makes war within you.

all you've got to do, is accept it. dalai lama would say that all you've got to do is understand the nature of it, and accept it, paulo coelho would say something similar, but with a touch of beauty nonetheless..

we are what we are, we made our mistakes and will probably make more. if one should use the gods' big book of fate, where everything each of everyone of us have done and about to do is written in details within this book, than there's absolutely nothing to worry about, nothing to be concerned about,

unless whether or not you can make peace with yourself,

I used to say that my mother was a wonderful person, I hate it when she left us, but that doesn't reduce her wonderfulness when she was with us. one of the thing that makes her the way she was were the facts that she's one of those people that you can easily please, accepting whatever effort to make her happy, and actually be happy about the effort itself.

I grow with that types of intrinsic understanding in life, only to understand that not many,  grew with the same understanding.

I think my mother made peace with whatever that makes war within her at the end, for once I never lose the faith that she did.

and my dead beat dad too, though I don't think he thinks of anything to worry about anything. another types of understanding that some people grew up with apparently.

for me, life is like a flowing river that naturally lead to the sea. follow your heart, and be sure that your heart leads you to where it thinks is alright, and when it's not, make peace, and let the river flows, let it find a way onto the sea.

and when you've reach the sea, and it's not the sea you have in mind, make peace.

like the pat metheny and brad mehldau's make peace, the touching ending is only the beginning of the blooming of your heart.

in a way it's more than accepting and be grateful about whatever you've got left, it's more like finding peace..

things will come for those who wait, they say. And for someone who failed to wait, the object with which I was supposed to wait for finally come a little too late.

and it was in this moment that I earnestly realized the importance of waiting for something, and not settling it with something else. But as time goes by, you too shall realize that most of the time people spend time waiting for something that never comes.

anyways, the above two paragraphs might have no correlation to the so called post dot theory, a theory which I just recently discovered and elaborated upon listening to a friend's complicated problem which he gladly indulged in.

the post dot itself actually revolves around boredom, a condition post satisfaction which denotes the completion of a process. Though it initially formulated around relationships, it can be applied to nearly everything else.

I too have experienced such conditions, where the dot was passed inevitably, resulting in the passing of satisfaction. And when it happens, we can safely say that the process has run its course.

imagine a pyramid of processes, and that the tip of the pyramid is the ultimate goal of why the pyramid exist. logically, once something has completed its purpose, though may not fail in retaining its usefulness, our satisfaction level has evaporated as soon as we've reached the tip of the pyramid, the dot, hence the name.

I find it in particular examples where people are bored with somethings after they have discovered everything they can discover about something, with nothing else to know.

I would surmise that the theory will not work for something that people don't actually 'have', so it goes. because to be bored about something, people will need to 'have' the thing.

this all could just be bullshit, or a common sense not worth the fuzz to be made a theory, but when you finally felt distant, recluse or ask yourself a duration something might remain attractive, desirable, though not preferable, remember this theory: like going up a pyramid, you will eventually reached its top, and when you do, it's only a matter of moment when you reached post dot.

and a process will always runs its course.

it's not home,
nor heaven and certainly not hell. 

it's not the warmth of the lover's bosom,
or the eyes of sons or daughters

it's a place at the corner of the world at heart,
place you've been and go again at eyes closed,

it's your own and yours alone.

Or the love letter that never got sent
Or secret love
Or whatever title you wish to fill

This is quite a shock for me to find that after all this time of not writing anything, I have to come up with something as cheesy as the illusion of love. Claiming love an illusion, as it is, with no scientific or analytical basis whatsoever, is what critiques would see as a desperate attempt at gaining readership I so rightfully deserve, meh.

But the cheesiness does not necessarily end there, oh it goes ooon and ooon, it keeps drooling and dripping on that I will need to display a warning sign due to its lethal content.

People actually died from cheesiness overdose, and they died miserably. It's like being forced to drink a barrel of Bali Hai in a desolate dodgy pub where the strippers are as ugly as hell, and the only way you can get out is by drinking the self-proclaimed beer until its last drop. Never was a beer taste so bad it actually worse than plain water. It tastes like shit.

It won't kill you I know, but having been in somewhat similar situation before, I almost swear that death by lightning strike was better, or in its most gruesome sense, humane.

But on with the cheesiness, the reason why this post is called the illusion of love, and not the secret love, god forbid, is because the brain dictates, and upon its many logical resorts, treating love as an illusion is somewhat more reasonable than, say, treating love as one of god's greatest gifts.

Wtf.

I had a priest who taught me Christianity back in the college heyday some light years ago, and he anxiously revealed to us in one lazy afternoon about his epic discovery, achieved after years of deep transcendental thoughts, that sex was indeed god's greatest gift.

He sounded gay as hell, and definitely needs to get his brain checked for humanity's sake.

I got an A if you had to guess.

But when people are caught in a web of overwhelming emotions of longing, a superfluous excitement and grief that goes in parallel, a general phenomenon they can not explain, a bitching itch in their chest that somewhat felt like hunger in the upward position, an unbearable distress that melts their knees to their feet, they just have to name it with something that its diction alone does not incite negative connotation.

And so the word love was born.

Stupid? Aren't we all?

But listen to this, know thyself, and for thirty years being stuck with myself I understand that for what it's worth, I can function better when I'm not in a state that people collectively describes as love.

It's killing me.

And so the innate nature of treating it as an illusion is somewhat born from my years of nurtured defense mechanism.

Simply because in a not so distant reality, I have found myself tangled in the same web, and in no better terms, the fucked-up-ness is just too intimidating.

And being the logical type of shithead, always the logical type, I have to put myself in the third person perspective whenever the subject of affection revealed itself, in the simplest way as the little green dot in your communicator, relentlessly comparing what I want to do and what the genuinely sane laid-back me would do.

And what everything is line up against is just perfect, which consequently made me the architect of my own demise.

And this chain of events formed itself into the widely looked forward romantic comedy scenario, where everything is pathetically hilarious right till the very end even with the absence of a happy ending.

And oh how the end is near.

You got to love a love song, and a delicate love story is just too precious to pass.

And fuck, it's bitching that at the end, I had to write a letter that I know I will never send, a fucking love letter as well. I'm too old for this.

This is how it goes.

------------------------

Dear (fill secret name here)

Sadly this will be the first and final letter I write to you, and partially, my heart felt relief.

For someone I've never met, or personally talked to, greeted and laughed with, your sole existence, for precious moments in the history of my life, has become the only thing that matters.

For sure you are poetry, written in times of great sorrows, cited in times of great sufferings, to ease and bring a slight happiness in the face of hopelessness.

A phrase that makes a song a whole.

I believe, and I have believed it for sometimes now, that when you smiled, in one part of the world, a rainbow revealed itself.

Cheesy, but truth is only as far as how much you believe in them, and believing, as facts dictate, does not need a reason.

It has been my destitute to realize that unfortunately, the lock you released did not free me, and life, somehow, is about surviving the disappointments.

I wish time was kinder, but when I realized what my options are, I have to reside in the most logical, that in this final hour, I have to wish you life, filled with passion and joyous moments, and love, you solely deserve, because for me, you have been its sole embodiment.

:')

Farewell October, and keep smiling, for the world,

Yours honestly,

Me

--------------------

Or I could simply ask her for a cup of coffee in one green dotted night, be with her for a moment and fuck the rest of the world, because that's just how the way love goes, or life for that matter.

Wouldn't you agree?

this is a direct copas from talkbass forum :p simply because I don't feel like writing anything serious right now heh heh, and since it's a forum, everything in it belongs to its members, including your humble writer here ;), plus, this is stated on their faq page, and though most of them are related to bass, some can be quite applicable in everyday life.

+1 (or any number): Agreed. More numbers= you HIGHLY agree.
A/B: When you compare two instruments by playing them one after another.
ABG: Acoustic Bass Guitar
AFAICS As Far As I Can See
AFAIK: As Far As I Know
Bump or Bumping: Said when you post in your own thread to move to the top of the list.
Blocks: Fretboard Markings
CAR: Candy Apple Red
CIJ: "Crafted In Japan"
Closet Classic: Bass: Has some signs of aging, cracked finish etc etc.
DB: Double Bass
DC: Double Cut Body Style.
DI: Direct Inject (Often referred to as a DI Box, or Direct Box)
Dots: Fretboard Marking
Feeler Used mainly on the "for sale" forums. Meaning "I'll sell if I get what I believe is top dollar."
Fingerboard: Board WITHOUT Frets (Fretless)
FOH: Front Of House
EQ: Equalizing, or adjusting the Highs, Mids, Lows to shape the sound of your bass.
ERB: Extended Range Bass
Fretboard: Board With Frets (Fretted)
FSR: Factory Special Run
EURB or EUB: Electric Upright Bass
FUQUA'd: Having Ed Fuqua bastardize your TB handle.
FWIW: For What It's Worth.
GAS: Gear Acquisition Syndrome.
GC: Guitar Center. A chain of music stores.
GL: Can Refer to "Geddy Lee" (ie. The model) or G&L basses.
GTG: Get Together.
HH: Double Humbucker Pickup Combo
HTH: Hope That Helps.
Hz: A Measurement Of Cycles Per Second
IIRC: If I Remember Correctly
IMHO: In My Humble Opinion
IMO: In My Opinion
IBTL: In Before The Lock
J-Bass: Jazz Bass
J/H: Jazz/Humbucker Pickup Combo
JM(H)O: Just My (Humble) Opinion
LP or LPB: Les Paul or Les Paul Bass (Referring to the body style) or even Lake Placid Blue (A colour)
MIA: Often referred to as "Made In America". Also "Missing In Action" for all the army buffs.
Mids: Generally between ____ Hz and ____ Hz.
MIJ: "Made In Japan"
MIK: "Made In Korea"
MIM: "Made In Mexico"
MM or EBMM: Music Man or Ernie Ball Music Man. MM can also refer to the Marcus Miller signature bass
Mod: Moderator. They can shut you up.
Mojo: Extensive wear on a bass due to years of playing. Such basses seem to have a deep history or charisma.
Noob/Newbie/Newb: New Member
NOS: New Old Stock. Always a Reissue Bass. It's like it's NEVER been played and never aged.
OP: Original Poster
OT: Off Topic
OTOH: On The Other Hand
P-Bass: Precision Bass
P/G: Pickguard
P/H: Precision/Humbucker Pickup Combo
P/J: Precision/Jazz Pickup Combo
P/U or Pups: Pickups
Paul: Forum administrator. Contact with any issues the mods can't handle, or to file complaints.
PBDDI: Tech 21 Programmable Bass Driver DI
PDDI: Tech 21 Para Driver DI
PM: Private Message
POS: Piece of ****. Not a good piece of equipment.
Pwned: Owned
RB5: Roscoe Beck 5-string
Relic: Bass: Nicks, Scratches, and Dings galore. Super Worn in. It's like you've been playing this bass, every for 30 years.
RI: Reissue
Ric: Rickenbacker Basses
SABDDI: Tech 21 SansAmp Bass Driver DI
SC: Single Cut Body Style.
SM58: An Industry Standard Microphone
SX Basses: Essex Basses
Scale Length: The length from the nut of the bass, so the bridge of the bass.
Sig.: Signature
SR5: Ernie Ball Stingray 5-string
Supporting Member Pay $20.00 to support TalkBass, and become a supporting member. Pay $60.00 and become a GOLD supporting member.
TB: TalkBass
The Qintar: An old poster on Talkbass.
Tort: Tortoise Shell (pickguard)
TTIUWOP or TTIUWP: This Thread Is Useless Without Pics
URB or UB: Upright Bass
VTC: Vintage Tone Control
YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary

on an otherwise beautiful sunday morning.. skip the stupid introduction and straight to the point. I've crashed my bos' computer. 

the thing about the IT department of this group of companies is that, there's only one IT guy and he's in charged of three main offices in Jakarta, including branch offices in Bandung. 

how did that happen, don't ask me.

anyways, I have apparently been the guy to rely on by my bosses when they have problems with their pc, which is a role I really much enjoy, with most of the cases revolve around somethings like why certain xxx websites are no longer accessible, why networks are not connecting, how do you download videos conveniently from youpoop, how to bypass national internet safe wtf which basically stop you from accessing x-rated content websites, and that bossy stuff.

so it seemed to be somewhat normal when a bos, whom I highly respect, come to me complaining that he no longer able to use chrome or mozilla, that the only thing worked was internet explorer, who was already heavily bombarded by spammers. In addition, all his doc and docx files have turned into exe..

trouble..

so chronologically, I tried to examine what types of trojans are infesting the little netbook, a lenovo idea pad S100, and what I could easily identified were mowhorc, which I instantly try to deal with: stop their process on task manager, delete their main and hidden execute files, erase their registry entries and all that stuff.

I then encountered browser protect, which I also try to deal with before finding out that there's an endless horde of stuff pushing themselves in within the task manager..

there were just too many of them that I feel the need to deploy a hired gun, but this is not just a blunt extermination effort, where you could just nuke the whole damn thing and start anew, this is a selective, highly calculated safe and rescue mission, which means that hiring the wrong gunman will means the end of a civilization.

and this is where the whole thing went wrong, and stupid fishy advertisement campaign lured me to spyware cease..
and the stupid application identified more than 500 trojans on the system folders, which upon deletion make the pad crashed.

fuck.

I'm a lazy guy, so things that forced me to overdo things would normally be dissed for the sake of other things which yield the same result, at least in the possibility of things, as the same results here does not necessarily implied the proposed excellence level of it.

in this case, disassembling the pad and connecting the hardisk to a third party pc using a sata cable is out of the question. downloading windows xp installation disk and burn them on a cd, find an external cd player to hook it up with is also dissed

what I have is USB dongle, an access to a scrap i386 folder and a considerably high speed internet connection. and that settles it, so I thought, with the USB as the boot disk to ms dos, I installed windows xp using winnt.exe from the i386 folder, which is a success.

but not until I realized that the there are files within the i386 folder that were missing or somewhat corrupt making it untraceable by xp, not allowing the pad to connect to internet, display help content, install new app due to missing dll files.

double fuck.

ah well, at least I get to enter windows again, which allowed me to fix the doc infested mowhorc, this is especially, effortlessly done using a locally made program called mowremoval v2.3.

unlike the spyware cease bitch, the mowremoval was indeed a capable piece of software designed exactly to do what it intended to do, remove mowhorc and restore the infected files. yup, restore.

and last but not least, this calls for the end of xp, the ever so reliable os version with oh so many deseases that makes it vulnerable in terms of security protection.

once again, after two days of bitching hours, windows 7 prevail, and once again installed through a dongle.

ps. obviously there are other bitching stuff such as finding the drivers for this stupid pad, the fn+f5 not working due to technical wonders such as why the hell a hotkey driver would be included within the power management driver pack (and not the ethernet or lan) and so on and so forth. 

image courtesy of noahakumu

repent (rəˈpent) verb

1. (especially in religion) to be sorry for one's past sins.

2. (with of) to wish that one had not done, made etc. 

reˈpentance noun

re pentant adjective

repentance is the fifth track on Dream Theatre's 2007 Systematic Chaos album, which song itself is the sixth part of a multi-album songs series about then drummer Mike Portnoy's way of confronting his own alcoholism problem

various information revealed that the song is apparently revolves around the steps of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program, particularly steps eight (regret) and nine (restitution) or making a list of people whom one has wronged and, if possible, making direct amends with them. 

Portnoy called this collections of songs Twelve-Step suite, while other songs within the multi-album series include The Mirror, Lie, The Glass Prison, This Dying Soul, The Root of All Evil, and the seventh after Repentance, The Shattered Fortress.

I don't know where each song go in which album, as I'm just an occasional Dream Theatre fan, but you could check them on dt.spatang.com which is a great source of inside information for some, if not all, DT materials.

what fascinate me about this song was the fact that he asked a number of friends, for him, great musicians for us and awesome music gods for me, at least some of them, to do their own versions of repentance, contributed spoken words to the second part of the song. in no particular orders they are:

Steve Vai - "I want to thank you for helping me to see my own selfishness and to tell you how regretful I am it has hurt you."

Joe Satriani - "I really regret not being able to see my friend Andy..."

Mikael Åkerfeldt - "One of my best friends who's the godfather of my daughter, he asked me to sing or play something at his wedding, and I turned it down because I was busy and too much of a chickenshit to do it...And I feel sorry for that, because it was a very very close friend of mine"

Corey Taylor - "Until that moment, I'd never felt like I'd failed at anything...And I felt like I failed her...And I failed myself, and I failed my children...It's still really hard to deal with."

Jon Anderson - "I think it's the betrayal...it still haunts me."

Chris Jericho - "I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital, Grandpa when you were on your deathbed. I'm sorry I didn't come to your funeral...I don't know if I was selfish or just too scared to face it. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life."

Steven Wilson - "So, I wanted to apologize to anyone that I've upset or offended.. they're just words, it's just an opinion, but unfortunately, I tend to express it as a fact, and that's kind of arrogant."

David Ellefson - "I'm here to confess with you that what I did, was wrong... And I'm asking for your forgiveness"

Steve Hogarth - "The only unforgivable thing hauls itself out of bed, looks over my shoulder at the bloody English weather..."

Neal Morse - "I'm sorry for what I did back then... I was a different person. I really was and I'm so sorry. I wish it wouldn't have happened, but it did, and I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm sorry..."

Daniel Gildenlöw - "I guess I'm simply sorry for being me just so awful to the people..."

The song's ending also contains a spoken passage, which apparently is the twelve promises from the Alcoholics Anonymous book:

-------

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that god is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. 

-------

one thing that strikes me upon hearing this song is that, as a normal human being, at least that's what I'd like to think of me, we all have regrets, past sins, and sometimes we need to let it out, make a direct apology when possible or make that apology ourselves if not. 

and what's so great about this song is that everybody can be a part of it, and in one non particular evening, I heard something coming out of my mouth

- "I wish I could repeat again those periods of time during your visit... I wish I could make you happier, I'm sorry for being such a jerk the whole time. I really regret it. I'm sorry..."

throughout my entire 29 years of living, I only did.. five international online shopping.

1. my purchase of our wedding rings from Etsy, which was safely shipped from Israel via their Israel post office, that's right Israel, weeks before the wedding date.. though the rings were oversized, and later had to be resized and mistakenly cleaned by the resizer dude simply because he thought it looks rugged, which was the idea.. the Etsy seller was Artisan Impact, they make gorgeous hand made jewels, awesome works.


2. my purchase of an ergonomic bike saddle, the research based E3 Form saddles, which price is the same with the USPS delivery rate, unfortunately, but well bought as it saved my ass more than it should. and this saddle arrived safely on my hand in just a week, which was amazing..

but these, I suspect, have something to do with me working for the Jakarta Post, which was the delivery address.. old Indonesian thieves, it seems, still have the apprehension of dealing with members of the press, which was a good thing, if I still work there..


3. I made two orders from the US before this one, but this should be mentioned first due to a reasons I will tell you later. This particular order is made from Ebay, years later after I quit the post, delivered from China to my home address via the Chinese equivalent of national airmail, which has its own tracking program in the Indonesian post after a deal. It arrived safely after almost three weeks of not knowing its whereabouts.. it's a five string bridge who was shipped in a condition where the screws taped directly on the surface, scrapping its paint and damaging the saddle adjustment for the A string.. safely arrived nonetheless..

and the other two might as well be my last orders from international sellers nonetheless..

4. A fixed Kahler bridge for 5 string bass, priced at around US$67 that gone up to US$98 or something due its shipment rate..

5. A set of five flatwound strings from webstring, which despite it's statement not shipping to Indonesia, accept my order, which was great at that time by the way. I paid US$34.13 for the sets plus delivery.

both items have not arrived and probably never will

when I contacted the Kahler vendor, he said not too worry because the time it spent at the custom is probably the reason why the item took 'forever' to reach me.

and when I contacted webstring, Wayne the owner, decided to be blunt.

"Audy, we did ship your order just a few days after the order was made. We decided some years ago not to ship to Indonesia because virtually everything that we ship there ends up in someone other than the customers' hands. Let's give it till next week and if it hasn't arrived we'll figure out how to proceed - Wayne Preis"

these purchases were made on March 2, and this post, unfortunately, is made on March 29.

I know how crooked Indonesians can be, similar to all other people in the world. What's different is that the system here is.. well.. made to accommodate smooth misconduct, victimizing honest little dude with a dream bass to build who thought 'hey why not get some parts from Ebay..'

"now what good is a Kahler bridge for anyone not planning to build any bass, or a flatwound strings for that matter, it's not like they're taxable.." duh, that's the stupid innocent spoiled brat within me talking

I have to stress here that the mistake, shared with.. well.. some hundreds of honest people among these Indonesian like-minded twenty million citizens, is really ours and ours alone who think that hey, the world is actually a better place, and people are worthy of trust, whoever they are..

once again faith in people does take me on the wrong direction

the wait is endless, and my experience do said that these things should arrive when I stop thinking about them.. wishful thinking.

----------------------

update:

on a lazy friday afternoon, a non-asuming guy came at the door delivering a letter from the post office who was wrongly sent to him, notifying that an item sent from the US has arrived.

I picked up the item at the post office on the following day, saturday March 30 and it was item 4.

I had to pay additional US$5 for tax, which was reasonable, but the thing that bothered me most was the fact that the address with which the item is sent to was WRONG!! which was stupid. I checked my ebay booking details and the address was right, which means that this guy was sending this item to the wrong address!! while all they've got to do is simply copy and paste the damn thing, I mean who are these guys thinking they know where I live more than me and decided to make out an address!!

stupidity at its peak, I presume..

anyways the bridge was installed and one of the bridge screws is taller than the rest, which will need to be cut later on.. logically, but afraid of damaging it, I chose to find a replacement saddle instead. though things can go much smoother if I just put shim on my neck, but I'm a bit reluctant with opening the neck screws.. yada yada yada..

that's it for item four, while the strings from webstrings is yet to arrive..

I guess it's safe to say that for future references, buying strings would mean going to the country which sell it and buy it ourselves, which is a major hassle for US$40 item.

Beyond broke is what happen when your saving is already in minus, because at the end of the month you have to pay your monthly car installment but the amount left in your credit is only enough to pay half. Plus, it's not the second week of the month yet.

So these are 20 things I experience when I'm beyond broke, like now

1. Going to office to get that US$1 meal cash.
2. Leave home early to avoid spending that cash.
3. Bumping the head real hard on the nearest clean table edge cos Tribal Tech is playing this Tuesday and you have no cash to spend.
4. Taking that extra mile to get some money, despite the uncertainty, like taking troublesome jobs at hooker's price.
5. Skipping all possibilities of meet and greets, and felt sorry after going to one with a notorious freeloader.
6. Skip meals, and when impossible, buy the cheapest available.
7. Constantly trying to fine-tune the head to be a better calculator for every dime spent, which in my experience always felt that no money is left.
8. Looting for other people's cigarettes.
9. Leaning to spend more on credit card or paypal, which is a nasty habit in the making.
10. Putting travel allowance as another possibility of getting extra cash, and put it into your cash flow.
11. Asking yourself how you're going to survive this condition.
12. Delaying other money spending plans, and start spending money for the unavoidables, regretting them at no results.
13. Bitching about not getting the money you deserve, which you usually take lightly.
14. Start complaining about gas prices, which is lame.
15. Keep spending more money, which is a mysterious way of how the vicious circle of life works.
16. Planning on selling some stuff but never did as you felt you will survive.
17. Start looking for more paying jobs, even when you like the current job.
18. Start asking for money that people owes you, and destroying bad friendships along the way.
19. Making 'I'm broke' as the number one excuse for almost everything.
20. Hoping the day will never pass so you can avoid paying all those bills.

 *the image is from thoughtcatalog.com, number 23 on their list is occasionally true

here are two wiring diagrams connecting Nordstrand Big Singles on Ibanez pre-amp, the first is incomplete, the second, while still incomplete, includes my rough guesses on where the wires should go. I'm in the middle of confirming the diagram to the guys at Nordstrand forum, the correct diagram should be posted here once I received some answers

update:

Finally!!! after weeks of waiting and frontally looking for information from dudes (and dudettes) at Nordstrand and Ibanez forums, the ever helping guys from Ibanez posted this neat factory diagram that I've been searching for all this time with no significant result!!

(I'm so happy)

Check it

if for once I have to put myself in the third person point of view, observing me, I have to say I'm quite disappointed with what I see.

most notably after deadlines.

it's funny that sometimes the word death in many seemingly intelligent words of wisdom (or quotes) about death, can be beautifully replaced with the word deadline.

take "dying is like getting audited by the IRS--something that only happens to other people ... until it happens to you."

to "deadline is like getting audited by the IRS--something that only happens to other people ... until it happens to you."

or "you only live twice. once when you are born and once when you look death in the face."

to "you only live twice. once when you are born and once when you look deadline in the face."

thing is,

I was always intended to do many things seemingly impossible way before deadlines for some short period of days before deadlines, but what I see in front of me always gets in the way.

today I have to take two headache pills with several sips of coca cola to keep things together, then rubbing traditional extra hot embalming product on the head, neck, and back to keep me on my seat, only to produce a third of what I intended to produce way before the deadline.

oh well.

At least once again, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, too bad you can't beautifully replace the word kill with deadline as well..

Dear little Six - Billionth Living Person: As one of the newest members of a notoriously inquisitive species, it probably won't be too long before you start asking the two $64,000 questions with which the other 5,999,999,999 of us have been wrestling for some time.

 How did we get here? And, now that we are here, how shall we live?

 Oddly - as if six billion of us weren't enough to be going on with - it will almost certainly be suggested to you that the answer to the question of origins requires you to believe in the existence of a further, invisible, innefable Being "somewhere up there", an omnipotent creature whom we poor limited creatures are unable even to perceive, much less to understand. That is, you will be strongly encouraged to imagine a heaven, with at least one god in residence.

This sky god, it's said, made the universe by churning its matter in a giant pot. Or, he danced. Or, he vomited creation out of himself. Or, he simply called it into being, and lo, it Was. In some of the more interesting creation stories, the singly mighty sky god is subdivided into many lesser forces - junior dieties, avatars, gigantic metamorphic "ancestors" whose adventures create the landscape, or the whimsical, wanton, meddling, cruel pantheons of the great polytheisms, whose wild doings will convince you that the real engine of creation was lust; for infinite power, for too easily broken human bodies, for clouds of glory. But it's only fair to add that there are also stories which offer the message that the primary creative impulse was, and is, love.

Many of these stories will strike you extremely beautiful, and therefore seductive. Unfortunately, however, you will not be required to make a purely literary response to them. Only the stories of dead religions can be appreciated for their beauty. Living religions require much more of you. So you will be told that belief in "your" stories, and adherence to the rituals of worship that have grown up around them, must become a vital part of your life in the crowded world. They will be called the heart of your culture, even of your individual identity.

It is possible that they may at some point come to feel inescapable, not in the way that the truth is inescapable, but in the way that a jail is. They may at some point cease to feel like the texts in which human beings have tried to solve a great mystery, and feel, instead, like the pretexts for other properly anointed human beings to order you around. And it's true that human history is full of the public oppression wrought by the charioteers of the gods.

In the opinion of religious people, however, the private comfort that religion brings more than compensates for the evil done in its name.

As human knowledge has grown, it has also become plain that every religious story ever told about how we got here is quite simply wrong. This, finally, is what all religions have in common. They didn't get it right. There was no celestial churning, no maker's dance, no vomiting of galaxies, no snake or kangaroo ancestors, no Valhalla, no Olympus, no six-day conjuring trick followed by a day of rest. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

But here's something genuinly odd. The wrongness of the sacred tales hasn't lessened the zeal of the devout in the least. If anything, the sheer out-of-step zaniness of religion leads the religious to insist ever more stridently on the importance of blind faith.

As a result of this faith, by the way, lt has proved impossible, in many parts of the world, to prevent the human race's numbers from swelling alarmingly. Blame the overcrowded planet at least partly on the misguidedness of the races spiritual guides. In your own lifetime, you may witness the arrival of the nine billionth world citizen.

(If too many people are being born as a result, in part, of religious strictures against birth control, then too many people are also dying because religious culture, by refusing to face the facts of human sexuality, also refuses to fight against sexually transmitted diseases.)

There are those who say that the great wars of the new century will once again be wars of religion, jihads and crusades, as they were in the Middle Ages. I don't believe them, or not in the way they mean it. Take a look at the Muslim world, or rather the Islamist world, to use the word coined to describe Islam's present day "political arm". The divisions between its great powers (Afghanistan against Iran against Iraq against Saudi Arabia against Syria against Egypt) are what strike you most forcefully. There's very little resembling a common purpose. Even after the non-Islamic NATO fought a war for the Muslim Kosovan Albanians, the Muslim world was slow in coming forward with much needed humanitarian aid.

The real wars of religion are the wars religions unleash against ordinary citizens within their "sphere of influence." They are wars of the godly against the largely defenceless - American fundamentalists against pro-choice doctors, Iranian mullahs against their country's Jewish minority, Hindu fundamentalists in Bombay against that city's increasingly fearful Muslims.

The victors in that war must not be the closed-minded, marching into battle with, as ever, God on their side. To choose unbelief is to choose mind over dogma, to trust in our humanity instead of all these dangerous divinities. So, how did we get here? Don't look for the answer in story books. Imperfect human knowledge may be a bumpy, pot-holed street, but it's the only road to wisdom worth taking. Virgil, who believed that the apiarist Aristaeus could spontaneously generate new bees from the rotting carcess of a cow, was closer to a truth about origins than all the revered old books.

The ancient wisdoms are modern non-senses.

Live in your own time, use what we know and, as you grow up, perhaps the human race will finally grow up with you and put aside childish things. As the song says, "It's easy if you try."

As for mortality, the second great question - how to live? What is right action, and what wrong?- it comes down to your willingness to think for yourself. Only you can decide if you want to be handed down the law by priests, and accept that good and evil are somehow external to ourselves.

To my mind, religion - even at its most sophisticated - essentially infantalizes our ethical selves by setting infallible moral Arbiters and irredeemably immoral Tempters above us; the eternal parents, good and bad, light and dark, of the supernatural realm.

How, then, are we to make ethical choices without a divine rulebook or judge? Is unbelief just the first step on the long slide into the brain death of cultural relativism, according to which many unbearable things - female circumcision, to name just one - can be excused on culturally specific grounds, and the universality of human rights, too can be ignored?

Well, no, it isn't, but the reasons for saying so aren't clear-cut. Only hard-line ideology is clear-cut. Freedom, which is the word I use for the secular-ethical position, is inevitably fuzzier. Yes, freedom is that space in which contradiction can reign, it is a never-ending debate. It is not in itself the answer to the question of morals, but the conversation about that question. And it is much more than mere relativism, because it is not merely a never-ending talk show, but a place in which choices are made, values defined and defended.

Intellectual freedom, in European history, has mostly meant freedom from the restraints of the Church and not the state.

This is the battle Voltaire was fighting, and it's also what all six billion of us could do for ourselves, the revolution in which each of us could play our small, six-billionth part; once and for all we could refuse to allow priests, and the fictions on whose behalf they claim to speak, to be the policemen of our liberties and behavior. Once and for all we could put the stories back into the books, put the books back on the shelves, and see the world undogmatized and plain.

Imagine there's no heaven, my dear Six-Billionth, and at once the sky's the limit.

- Salman Rushdie

I decided to write this post as a reminder to myself, and though my knowledge in the subject is highly limited, I never say that what I write here is the exact knowledge, as you can always try to google it.

everything is exactly what I have so far understood about the industry and why it is important to gain more knowledge. So here we go.

what you need to know about coal, specifically Indonesian coal.

Coal is in fact that black stuff, sometimes shiny most often not, obtained from simply digging the earth to a particular depth.

There are many methods to mine coal. You can specifically calculate how much chaos to create by blasting the earth, and avoid blowing it to smithereens, or just dig, as coal is contained at various ground levels (as far as I know) and will take form in seams, slices of earth.

Indonesia has yet to implement underground mining, which should be immediately implement if they really care about their forests.

The amount of ground you blasted and removed to reach the coal is called 'overburden', which miners will need to consider as input in the amount of money to pay if they happen to hire contractors.

Indonesia has some 104 billion tons of coal resource and some 21 billion tons of reserve (once again, these numbers are on top of my head. In its recent development, the number, apparently, has been revised, my guts say to attract more investors). But almost, or even more, 70 percent of these reserve are low rank coals.

Low rank coal is coal with specific calorific value, normally from 5,700 kcal/kg down to the lowest.

Australia has the highest reserve of higher rank coal, those with higher than 5,700 kcal/kg calorific value, and their biggest market is Japan, as they have in the early days designed power plants that require coal with higher calorific values.

Calorific value is the amount calorie in coal, the higher the water content, ash and sulphur, the lower the calorific value. Similarly, the higher the calorific value, the easier the coal will burn and vice versa.

This is why you will hear various measurements of calorific value in coal, such as NAR, GAR or ADB, they simply refer to when or at what stage the calorific value is being measured.

Higher calorific value coal, anthracite and coking coal, are mostly used in steel plants, while thermal coal is mostly used to create steam in power plants, as it is cheap and can create stable heat for power plants to run.

This is why coal is deployed to reach the benchmark power needs, while the remaining ever changing electricity need, such as when people turn all the lights and TVs at night or when people go to work and leave all electricity off by day, is provided through various other plants using other sources of energy.

The better illustration is when people turn off all lights, some things are turned on, such as your beloved fridge, and in a country, it is possible to have the lowest need of electricity at certain points, a level that will not go down any further. This is the benchmark which is supplied by coal powered power plants.

If you have questions why a country needs diesels or even LNG in their energy mix, while coal powered power plants are already available, it's because you can't simply turn off coal fired power plants, while diesel power plants can be easily turned on and off like your regular household generators, so it goes.

Modern countries use hydro, solar even wave and wind, countries like Indonesia use other natural resources they can burn.

Is it possible to increase the calorific value?

There are technologies that are called coal dryer, and gassification or others with similar purposes, that the Korean and Japanese have cleverly designed. Recent studies, nevertheless revealed that the available upgrading technologies are still uneconomical in a sense that the price of upgrading the coal, to have higher calorific value, make the coal more expensive than the coal already mined with the targeted calorific value. 

There are also called coal liquifaction technology, which the Germans had used to fuel their planes during the second world war (so I've been told) and the South African during the apartheid, as they were cut off from the rest of the world's oil.

Why Indonesia decided to import low rank coal, in addition to it being what the country has abundant, is because there's market for it.

Both India and China are some of the biggest coal producers in the planet, but they cleverly, cunningly decide to wait until the price is high before finally dig their own holes. that's my own opinion, but people have said that they have yet gained access to the coal source.

India has most of the minable reserves located below certain areas dominated by moslems (or is it communits?) who are in constant clash with the government, and to rely on coal exports, they have built power plants that can eat up even the least calorific value coal, down to 3500 kcal/kg, so they say.

India now face a problem where the price of imported coal remain higher than their price of electricity.

In the case of China, as most coal reserve is located in Mongolia, which is way at the top of the globe, import from countries divided by seas is cheaper. But rumors has it that they have build railroad for transportation.

Because transportation is key.

Logistic, so it says, make up for about 30 to 40 percent of the end price of coal. Using truck for land transport is cheap, but train is cheaper, and sea transportation is cheaper than trains.

This is why it's a lot cheaper for China to import its coal from Indonesia, through seaborne coal trade, than transporting their own coal from Mongolia through trucks and hopefully trains.

India is almost similar, but some of their reasons are that their reserve, despite being high, has those accessible to them considerably lower than their demands for energy, on an annual calculation basis, obviously.

In addition, their coal has high sulfuric content that can poison the air if released through the burning of the coal. This is why they need Indonesia's low sulfuric content coal as blending coal.

Like colors, blending red with yellow will get orange, and you can make orange juice.

Indonesia tries to cut logistic by creating mine mouth power plants, power plants that are built at the mouth of coal mines.

At least 17 percent of Indonesia's up to 346 million tons of coal production is imported to India, which accounted for almost 70 percent of their entire coal needs annually.

In addition, because the price gap between low rank and high rank is quite significant, both India and China's specific power plants, generally those that consists of 2 or 3 small MW steam engines, are designed to be able to avoid the steeper priced coal.

As Japan and Korea are stuck with their high rank powered power plants, they have conducted studies, invested billions of american dollars, to build technologies that can increase low rank coal's calorific values, so they can import from low rank coal producers.

Like wise, countries like Indonesia who desperately try to cut low calorie coal imports as domestic demands stay at about 24 percent of the total production, which folded to around 10 times in the last 20 years.

However these technologies, as previously mentioned, can not meet the logical economical calculation, in a sense that people will need to pay additional, say around 28 dollars, to dry a ton of their coal, probably increasing their calorific value, but allowing them to gain their water content back during stocking, hence becoming a waste of money.

People need to make profit, similar or even more.

I've also been informed that to use some of these technologies, people will need to pay annual patented right fee, another discouragement.

Yet, all of this  leads to a conclusion. If you plan to get a coal mine or purchase coal, some of the key inquiries are: what do you need the coal for? which lead to the calorific value of the coal. how much do you need? what is the average selling price per ton? do you need to secure supply? which lead to whether you should consider long term contracts or spot market. how will you get the coal? who will be in charge of delivering the coal to you? how much is the delivery will cost?

There's always the detail of whether the calorific value of the coal will stay the same by calculation from the moment it was mined down to the moment it reached buyers' power plant, Letter of Credit as payment, and so on and so forth.

Acquiring a concession is almost similar. How much is the resource? reserve? and mine-able reserve? in order to gain proper information about this, at which exploration stage the concession is currently undergoing? if it's already operational, how much is the output per month? per year? how was it's performance since it starts operating? what is the calorific value of the coal? and how far is it from the nearest bulk terminal? what transportation means are deployed unto the terminal?

And there's the external factors, such as regulations, law certainty and worse come to worse, the Churchill mining case.

The so on and so forth basically means that you will need to do your homework.

what I know so far about long term contracts and spot market is that coal producers normally sell about 90 percent of their output on long term contracts to guarantee security of finance.

the thing about long term contracts are that they may have signed a deal for one, two to three years, but the price is not immediately decided, but follows the ups and downs of coal prices which are then renegotiated between both buyers and sellers every year.

Spot, on the other hand, is an opportunity to gamble, in a sense to gain the most profit in accordance with the situation at the market. this means that in order to get the most profit, one will need to gain as much as understanding of the market, so they can make proper speculations with well managed risks.

coal under spot contracts does not necessarily more expensive than coal on long term contracts, though it does not necessarily cheaper as well.

There will be a condition in the market where heavy rainfall disturb production, or the accelerated productions of new players elevate supply over demands. And these are the types of information to get before jumping into spot markets, obviously if your company is not the one signing long term contracts with those whose productions are disrupted by heavy rainfall.

Two of the main coal producers in Indonesia is Kalimantan and Sumatra, though only the eastern and southern parts of Kalimantan are. Central Kalimantan was said to have the biggest high rank coal resource, but lack of transportation facility has managed to safely contain all resource.

Barito river is one of the biggest rivers that link Central Kalimantan to the shores of Banjarmasin, which expectantly, coal is then load up into bigger ships, notably Panamax or that one type vessel I completely forgot, into the seaborne market, transported to potential buyer nations throughout the globe.

You can try to google which part of Sumatra has the highest coal reserve, but the same transportation problems have prevented the island to get properly drained out of its resources. If ever a corrupt government can be 'beneficial' to a country is in these types of cases.

If you managed to pay attention to my sarcastic notes, these things are almost scientifically, if not redundantly, called 'resource nationalism', which Australia's recent decision and China's old decision to apply export tax on coal is one indication.

Indonesia's recent decision to force 51 percent divestment and talks of banning low rank coal export are the exaggerated, if not paranoid, indications.

Then again, it's their coal to begin with, obtained through hundred years of war in blood and sanity.

what music in my ipod does not automatically translates as what music I currently listen to, some are, but the other half are music I intend to listen, if I have the patient to wait for the particular bits that will intrigue my interests, however some are in constant play on any bike-ride, or heating Cornelius.

from most often being listened order, here are they

mew - and the glass handed kites

I once witnessed their live in a collective concert, and pretty much blown away. I instinctively realize that all the material brought in the concert came from this particular album, one I always have but failed to listen due to its nature of coming into my hand with another album by the now deformed Sikth.

the whole pieces blend together seamlessly and enjoyable from get go. Mew's androgyny vocalist (you can google for his name) did his part perfectly without trying to be someone else, no growl what so ever is present for a well arranged progressive-pop album.

despite being quite a fan of this album, I find it hard to listen to other of their stuff, and have often short in patience to wait for a hook.

the other fact why I like this album so much is anybody can sing to it if they can catch the breaks on each song, though blended with other songs, making it an enjoyable singing-to-a-tune experience.

opeth - ghost reveries

a considerably old release by opeth, an all time favorite prog-deathmetal band, or at least in this album, from sweden. the grand conjuration was the initial reason why I love this album, as it grew on me on successive listen. but I can swear to you that Mikael Åkerfeldt made the scariest growl I have ever listened to, and I have listened to a lot.

it is in this release that opeth, in my opinion, managed to sound exactly like it should, which is an understatement. I used to have the latest album in my ipod, but was deleted as I hardly listen to it.

a post in sputnikmusic illustrated it like, knowing your beloved girlfriend had changed into a hot sexy office woman who never wear nothing but miniskirts, hot, but not the reason why you're in love with her back in the days.

I guess each release by opeth cater to different types of listeners, and this one cater to my type of listener. this album by far have the most played songs in the ipod.

jaga jazzist - what we must

what we must represents the zen of music, the pinnacle of heartfelt symphony and the sky-is-the-limit types of arrangements. with ten active members all in all, the results are impressively out of this earth.

as the album that got me listen to the norwegian prog-jazz in the first place, I found myself unable to find anything on par with the mastery of this album, arrangement wise or ear-friendly wise, at least to my ears.

as far as european styles go, some of the best songs in the album follow the similar pattern of building up to a climax, ending them with a blast or a happy ending, a stellar performance carried flawlessly to no end.

the album managed to get me to some of the hippest norwegian musicians around, including Mattias Eick and band leader Lars Horntveth. for lack of a better statement, no ipod is complete without what we must in it, and what you must is make the time to listen to the album.