FIRST, CHECK THIS OUT!

for the many times, I'm not gay


out of joke, a friend once considered himself lucky that he's not just appealing for the female off the species, but also the male. approximately a year later he said that he's in love with me.

our friendship collapsed, and we're no longer in touch. about four years after that we're back on our beaten track, threading a new line of being brothers, but the friendship was stale.

somewhere around 2004/5 a friend offered me to be a high class prostitute, for the guys. it was of course ridiculous, but he can't help thinking why; I'd be popular.

there's one absolute reason to all this; I'm not gay.

it's awfully awkward to ever have to explain about your sexual orientation, because gays can apparently spot other gays, and somewhere in their innate God given radar, there was me.

there's gay talk, gay walk, and all that stuff fall under gay attitudes, and it's not that hard to spot them through these, and it is apparent to me that I've got these little ickies within me that put me in between. some signs they thought they spot that they'd have to confirm whether I'm with them or not.

something like Chandler. yet, I'm more on the edge of things than safe.

it doesn't really seem important whatever defenses I have. even my profound adoration to both breasts and wonderfully crafted ass was futile. when your reasons cannot explain you further, ask yourself and find the answer; I don't find the male of the species interesting sexually.

a simple example, on how some people know how to talk, to be eloquent, but not that they're sexually appealing through that. we wish to be that eloquent, but that doesn't necessarily mean we want to date them.

an add once hit me saying "what's important is love, not whether you're a man or a woman," how beautiful it is if it was true, but deep in me I know it's way impossible, that's how far I am from being a gay.

and no matter how interesting a man is, the idea of being close to them as more than just colleague is absurd to me. disgusting in a way that our skin would have to touch, the biology never feels right.

the face of a woman, their eyes, the way they looked at you, how things are comforting with their simple little things, that's not reasons why a man should ever love a woman.

I've got no reason why a woman for me is more appealing than man, it just happened to be the way it is for me.

I can't explain it, but I know I feel it; I'm not gay

5 kritikan:

cumi laut said...

the above caricature by Daryl Cagle was actually a political cartoon on Democrat vs Republic, how one of them supports gay marriage and one of them don't.

and the big thing went to the shallow one like this, stupid eh?

Anonymous said...

awal2 kenal jg gw pikir lo gay chubb.. knp ya?? sbnrnya sih krn crita dan pandangan lo k para gay itu.. sedianya kan (biasanya) cowo normal itu anti gay tp lo justru temenan.. dan bagaimana lo slalu mengangkat ksetaraan sexual orientation.. baik yg homo dan hetero.. hihi.. smoga kau brtahan dan tak termakan arus pergaulan lah.. yg katanya gay itu nular.. :)

Hepytika said...

Hemm...i can't imagine if you're a gay. Prbanyak tmn, tp ttp mawas diri lah.

cumi laut said...

hehe, iyo, tapi aneh ga si tiik?!

wingi weruh kaus tulisane
"Sorry guys, I'm not gay"
pingin tuku, tapi larang hihi..

btw kapan balik tuntang?

cumi laut said...

nice man.. really..