blame it on my youth

I wish I was born rich, because that types of quality, of to be rich is in the upbringing. Or at least in a family where opinions are valued no matter how clumsy they are.

I guess I'm regretting the past where I wasn't having that quality to make the right choices, or the wrong choices and have enough guts to just go with them -like dating one of the most gorgeous looking bitch.. well probably the most wonderful looking babe with enough personal quality in high school and see what it will become in the future.

I couldn't even say no to the possibility of being larger than who I was at that time, though it eventually turned out to become such hell on my side, finally understand how insecure I was.

Even now, that daring attitude, of just saying what you have in mind and telling it convincingly no matter what the outcome, is a quality that I don't have. Silent is good, but sometimes what you need is enough courage, to be loud and to be disturbing.

Let's not talking about accomplishments, but lets talk about past failures that impact on traumatic behaviors.

Apple don't fall far from its tree, and I always have that fear of turning out like my dad. And because he's the type of guy that eventually left you, I always have that insecurity of being left. Like when everybody's saying that they're leaving, it always struck me with things like "shit, he/she is moving on to a higher ground!" and that sucks because here I am, sticking.

In a way I feel like walking away and move on, before sticking too long, and in a way I feel like fleeting to something new, something temporary.