what the fuck does it mean?

if you feel like pissing the whole time and nothing came out,
what the fuck does it mean?

if nothing goes right with whatever you're doing and you just move on,
what the fuck does it mean?

if the world is going round and return to its exact position a year later with us growing older,
what the fuck does it mean?

and I wasn't even trying to sound smart, or confusing in a way, and not even trying to explain teh exact stiffness and messed up feelings I currently felt,
but truly, what the fuck does it mean?

shit

the flop

the first attempt to become so-called a political cartoonist ha ha
but failed miserably, fall straight down like a tin boot

the only thing that worked is the autograph, so I guessed

Raining in Baltimore

This circus is falling down on its knees
The big top is crumbling down
It's raining in Baltimore fifty miles east
Where you should be, no one's around

I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I need a big love
I need a phone call

These train conversations are passing me by
And I don't have nothing to say
You get what you pay for
But I just had no intention of living this way

I need a phone call
I need a plane ride
I need a sunburn
I need a raincoat

And I get no answers
And I don't get no change
It's raining in Baltimore, baby
But everything else is the same
There's things I remember and things I forget
I miss you I guess that I should
Three thousand five hundred miles away
But what would you change if you could?

I need a phone call Maybe I should buy a new car
I can always hear a freight train Baby, if I listen real hard
And I wish, I wish it was a small world
Because I'm lonely for the big towns
I'd like to hear a little guitar
I guess it's time to put the top down

I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I really need a raincoat
I really really need a rain coat
I really really really need a rain coat
I really need a raincoat

tangan jelek

jadiiiiiii ni yeeeee

ide awalnya adalah ngebikin sebuah tangan anak-anak yang lagi mo nge-reach out tangan orang dewasa, bokapnya lah.

tapi alih2 ngedapetin tangan bokap yang mo ngebantu dia, tuh anak dapet duit segepok, dan tangan bokap yang udah keriput jahat dan di borgol tenggelam dalam kubangan uang gitu hihihi

glamor ga si boook..

embeeerr..

tapi ni yeee... it was apparent that this day is one of those hand-numb day, that everything I draw just don't seem to come out all right.. (i got that sometimes, when the hand is just not in the mood for drawing)

gini deh hasilnya

David Foster Wallace

A lot has been written about David's suicide.. I feel so saddened by his passing, and every time I see his picture, there's a feeling of sadness rushing down..

hope he finally get his peace..


David Foster Wallace
the man






here, here and here are three of his essays available to read online, read them..

and here's the story of why he did it.. it's a sad story, but read it..

I haven't been able to get any of his books (hopefully 'Infinite Jest') in local bookstores, keep searching..

Chuck Schuldiner in memoriam

Death Frontman Chuck Schuldiner Dies

Pioneering death metal vocalist/guitarist loses battle with brain tumor.

By Robert Mancini, with additional reporting by Iann Robinson

Chuck Schuldiner, a pioneering force in death metal and grindcore as the vocalist and guitarist for Death, has died after a lengthy battle with a brain tumor.

The seminal metal figure passed away Thursday at the age of 34.

Schuldiner was diagnosed with pontine giloma, a rare type of brain tumor, in 1999 and struggled to afford treatment (see "Death Metal Godfather Struggles To Fund Lifesaving Surgery"). The guitarist eventually underwent surgery for the tumor in January of 2000, and appeared to be recovering well in the months following the operation. Earlier this year, however, Schuldiner's condition worsened as his tumor continued to grow and proved inoperable.

Schuldiner's plight provided a harsh reminder of the struggle of artists working without health insurance, and the metal community soon rallied around the ailing guitarist. An array of artists including Kid Rock, Korn, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Marilyn Manson, Godsmack, Disturbed, Pantera and Slipknot kicked in merchandise for an auction benefiting Schuldiner (see "Korn, Kid Rock, Slipknot Reach Out To Ailing Death Frontman"). Chimaira also pitched in, soliciting donations for Schuldiner while on the road with Spineshank, and numerous death metal acts around the world organized benefit concerts.

Schuldiner formed Death in his native Florida in 1983 and released the band's first album, Scream Bloody Gore, on Combat Records in 1987. The group released a total of five albums on that label between 1987 and 1993 before jumping to Roadrunner Records for 1995's Symbolic. The band's most recent effort, Sound of Perseverance, was released on Nuclear Blast Records in 1998.

Schuldiner was the lone constant in Death's rotating lineup, and he surrounded himself with some of the group's supporting cast when forming the more melodic Control Denied in 1996. That group released one album, 1999's The Fragile Art of Existence. Soon after the album's release, Schuldiner's tumor was discovered.

"Chuck's music was really important to me growing up," Slipknot vocalist Corey Taylor once said of Schuldiner's influence. "It was really intricate and interesting."

A memorial Web site has been produced in honor of Schuldiner (at www.emptywords.org), and fans can post their thoughts in an online book of condolences that will be sent to Schuldiner's family.

The Charles Schuldiner Medical Fund (established to help the guitarist tackle his medical bills) will continue to accept donations. Fans can contribute at www.hammerheartamerica.com.

--------------------------------------------

Taken from MTV's website back in 2001..

You will always be remembered Chuck, happy 41st Birthday dude...

the train

imagine a life taken away.. imagine a life, or some, so familiar to you taken away, abruptly, without any chance to see what will come through, with no chance to predict of what could have been..

it would be downright annoying haha

but that's basically the idea for this one..

a father and a child, waving goodbye to a mother, a wife , to go to both work and school, an ordinary family with ordinary problems of simple lives in the heart of jakarta, and when everything starts to flow, when all characters are being familiarized, as the writer have successfully bring out the real charm of each character through his way of elaboration

these lifes are taken away (pang!) just like that

the end



there are two ways of doing it; a simple mind to mind conversation by and to each characters with simple street signs of where they're now coming up once in a while to keep the reader's attention spanned and give breaks to each introduction of new problems..

or a conversation to one source altogether with no naration from a third party, which is awesomly cool, the most absurd idea that come up to me once the name David Foster Wallace is mentioned; which probably not his style either cos i've never read his work, but boy does he inspirational..

in a way, i'm thinking about a middle class working man going down a vicious circle of financial problem to start, probably got stuck to a decission to loan some money or not, and a sixth grade kid with school issues, probably about classmates, or new books to buy, stupid teachers.. and right before the end of the story a character appear as a guy who bring the disaster, best to be an angkot driver, reckless because of well, let's just say inevitable behaviour...

proving that no one is making a mistake, and if they do, no one could literally blame them. it's just meant to happen.. some people just had to die..

if things got a lot worse today, i swear

if things got a lot worse today
i swear i'll love myself like it's a whole new meaning to love
or kill myself if i have to, because of it

or if the skies go sideways to end the setting sun
or if the brighter future is dimmed by an empty hope

i swear to be free once again
and never again swayed by chance

of being burdened by eventual epiphanies

water pt2

safe water, don't shower

emprut pt1

safe ngemprut, use condoms

water pt 1

safe water, drink less