the waking

i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow
i feel my fate in what i cannot fear
i learn by going where i have to go

we think by feeling, what is there to know?
i hear my being dance from ear to ear
i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow

of those so close beside me, which are you
god bless the ground! i shall walk softly there
and learn by going where i have to go

light takes the tree, but who can tell us how?
the lowly worm climbs up a winding stair
i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow

great nature has another thing to do
to you and me, so take the lively air
and, lovely, learn by going where to go

this shaking keeps me steady, i should know
what falls away is always. and is near
i wake to sleep, and take my waking slow
i learn by going where i have to go

the search for the perfect earphone continues

well..

just like what happens almost every six months, my dbE earphone broke again after the fifth purchase. What makes it worse is that this particular earphone broke after only about four months or so, which is shitty..

I have to say that it's quite stupid if people don't learn why the same earphone continue to break within a course of owning five now, and I've got a pretty good analysis, or hypothesis, why this shit keeps having the right dongle stop making sound.

it was always with the same preceding action, which is plugging it into a stupid laptop or computer.. blah even my speaker system has its right side muting on me..

anyways, this particular earphone was jacked in a laptop on one lazy afternoon, simply because I need to hear Obama's stupid debate, about taxation, health and insurance for the americans that has absolutely nothing to do with me, my well being or concern..

to cut the story short, I was then flew to Bali where I forgot my ipod charger, hence forcing me to hear music from my phone, which was the reason why the previous same earphone broke in the first place: the 3.5mm jack wasn't gold plated, which the different edges on the jack input, as the phone obviously require another strip for mic, mess up the earphone's jack sensitivity.. I'm talking about the previous same earphone.. which should be easy enough to fix, but my beautiful wife just had to throw it away in one of her 'cleaning up the room' endeavor..

and on to this same earphone, in the present time, right before the right side just stopped screaming, it's frequency was noticeably louder, almost hurting my head, which is weird as the phone wouldn't normally produce such loud noise..

and when I made a quick tour to the bathroom, it just stopped working.

so what is this dbE in ear headphone I'm talking about..


 

It's not the despair. It's the hope that kills me.

facebook says becomes your dream.

one page on facebook says it's not the desire that kills me, it's the hope.

truth be told, never in life that I really want something. and it felt like shit knowing that at the end of the day, it's all you've ever wanted.

my sister said that sometimes, all we want is a closure. that or something like all we need is a closure.

takuya kimura said on good luck that he's finally coming to terms with his condition. "now you're here talking all this shit to me.."

that's exactly how I felt.

I used to say applying for a scholarship is like buying a lamp by philips,

you plug it in and forget about it.

a guy I know back in university said that winning a scholarship to Japan is like buying a lottery, you win it or lose it. I disagree. because for me buying a lottery does not signify how much you love lottery, though it does signify how much it means to win it. and there's no skill required to win a lottery, you will only need to have a little money, walk down to the nearest store and make your payment.

docnomads asked me to make a small documentary feature.

which I did.

in no sense it was like buying a fuckin lottery.

it requires a certain degree of knowledge in story telling, camera and lenses, human interaction and the ability to combine them to come up with an output worthy of anyone's time.

though if we put it in that sense, by no means should it come close to the philips light bulb analogy.

both statements, whence to convey the act of actually applying, somewhat means the same though paint a diferent picture.

when lottery seems like a mindless thing to buy simply driven by the miniscule probability of winning it, light bulb signifies absolute necessity, the very thing god created at the end of his seven-day universe-creation process, or as quoted from the old testament, and forgetting it would be to continuously enjoying it radiance, endure the hope, or what one page on facebook says the very thing that kills.

I remember the first time I touched a camera, back in highschool, I remember the first time I actually owned one, back at univ, and I remember the first time taking motion images.

I remember how grateful I was finding an old footage of my mom, how disapointed I was losing a footage of my grandma,

and I'll remember how shitty it felt waiting for a closure that never comes.

but I guess at the end, like humans do, I will finally coming to terms with it,

I just hope that now I'd believe the lottery shit more than the light bulb. so than, at least, I could easily walk down to the nearest store when this one turned out to be a dud.

afterall, it's common knowledge that lottery has always been a no-win proposition for the lot of us,

why should it be any different this time?