devastated in a blow

i got, nothing in my hand.
there was nothing in my hand before but the very image of something was clear,
and i have nothing now.

or did I have something,
but whatever that something was, it's stricken me down, suffocates me now, staying with its state of leaving.

what's liberation? what's devine interfention? what's imposibilities? on what ground should it stand?
i'm half bathed, half colored.
i can't breath straight.

i need a drink, to lay down and stop thinking, stop wishing, stop believing in regrets.

i am a stone, baffled by the sea, drown in the ocean of uncertainty, the pond to my God, and devastated in a blow.

i am nothing, introduced to nothingness, to taste the joy of nothing served in a bowl of nothing with nothing on top, realizing that nothing will ever be enough.

and soon must face the induced impact of maturity, that moving on is not as easy as walking away.