when pessimism and scepticism taking over

when it happens, you start to wonder, what's wrong with you.

when it happens, like at least these past few days with me as its subject, you start to question whether the decision you've made is the right one. the money was good, yet you start wondering whether this very thing is the thing you want to do all your life.

you start to question your own opinion, your parameter of good and bad, while all the things out there do seem too hasty in flipping whatever you do. with lesser prospects for you to move forward, you began to question your own quality.

or was it the stuck that makes you rot? or worse yet, were you never really that good? was it the point where at least they don't have to pay?

I've been here long enough, supposedly, to know which is which and which is not. I've been here long enough to supposedly make a choice on what I'm going to do next within the line, or where I'm going to lead to afterward.

or am I just too dumb to put myself in the right chair after moving around endlessly.

what is lost, what is leaking, what is less colored, what is most important and what not.
or am I lost, leaking, in shades and not of importance.
who to tell, who to speak of these things and strengthen?

damn, I hate it when it happens.