Pursuit of Happyness

Suddenly i realized the distance between me and my dreams.. how I have so long abandoned them and forgoten anything about learning, preparing my self to get them..

I have gained nothing from my start, taken no step toward any of them, and here at the brink of my quarter.. I'm breaking down..

every possibility was raising to horizon until reality, or so I may perceive, anchor me back to the ground.. the prison I have been kept for so long.


isn't it funny that eventhough you know the right wisdoms to overcome your current state of despair, with you numbering them, listing them like birthday wishes, you just can't seem to grasp them.. and slowly you drown.. no matter how much you know about the swimming theories.

how many times have you pushed yourself to go forward, to trust yourself, or to trust other power beyond you, to keep charging..

..



there's absolutely no reason why people should give up, no real obstruction would ever stop people from trying, except one self, that little voice from deep within your heart uttering the words slowly, almost unheard..

"..its impossible.."

and then you would start to believe it, that it's just too much. that you're lucky enough to get where you are now..



so what.

I can think millions of discouragement for myself right now, another million when I get my hand on a cigarette, even more in blind nites.. but i've been thinking too much, and act less..

mom once said that when I was a kid, when i want something, I would say it to everybody, and they would remind me of what I want, and I would keep pursuing them until I get them..

and then I stop doing it, thinking that it was bad, but i shouldn't have stopped..

no one should ever have stopped..


I have dreams..

many of them are illogical..

but only because i think they are.. only because i allow myself to think that they are.

and soon all of them will be illogical..

and soon i would run out of 'reasonable' dreams





time is of the essence

i wish i had heard these words long ago..

'don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something. you've got a dream, you've got to protect it, people can do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. you want something, go get it. period.'











and that's exactly what i'm gonna do