liburan!! the longest yet, the shittest yet

Liburan!!!!

bakal dimulai, atau bahasa prancisnya 'commence' jeeeaa yang les prancees..

yoi coy..

bakal di commence tanggal 20 ampe awal januari yaitu tanggal 2!!!

lamaaa ga tuhhhh

tapi sodara2 ada beberapa hal yang membuat gue bingung, pilihan yang bejibun

1. temen gue yang goblok dan ngebet kawin bernama Ridwan, alias otak kecrut, menyelenggarakan resepsi dirumahnya pada tanggal 23 Desember!!!!! cah ok goblok sebel aku, ya begitulah, dan saya jadi rada2 bingung mo balik tanggal berapa, sempat mikir tanggal 24 aja, but damn tuh kan lama banget dan gue udah muak spending too much time n this city.. I want to have a calm little break at the side of paddy fields, accompanied by loyal wonderful friends who don't find changes amusing..

2. kalo ada seseorang yang bisa ngebikin gue stay, endure all the pain in this stupid city, is this gal -yeeeah selalu ada cewe yang harus datang and make everything goes the way they are- tapi... tapi... puh hopeless... sometimes it's great to have some one who says how much they want you, how much they want you to stay, how far their days will go down the hole without you how much blablablabla gini gitu gini gitu... and...

i'm wishing too much

sudah lah

i'm going home on the nineteenth of this month, leave everything behind for ten days. when I come back, if everything still there, then they meant to stay, if they don't, then they're sadly gone, and will be missed..



hihi fuck it, fuck them, fuck you!

isn't it funny

you

are so freakin complicated

inconsiderate

and selfish.

and i can't believe i'm in love with you.

oh what such fuzz of no importance..

the end before the new begin

• Mona Purbakanti: life is so so nothing special at least survive up until now
• Mona Purbakanti: how's yours?
• Cumi laut: gue baru sadar kalo depresive itu lebih ke kebiasaan dari pada dibikin oleh kondisi
• Cumi laut: i mean i should be happy, or excited, or chalenged..
• Cumi laut: iye ga si hihi
• Cumi laut: tapi gue cuman pingin duduk ngalamun, denger lagu jazz mello dan ngerokok, happy hour yang ga happy hihihihi, post youth issue kali ye
• Cumi laut: yeah but i guess sama aja ma lo, surviving till this day
• Mona Purbakanti: depresive itu bisa jadi kebiasaan kalo membiarkan diri kita larut
• Mona Purbakanti: make sense kah?
• Cumi laut: yup
• Mona Purbakanti: it depends on how we face and overcome the depression that we are having
• Cumi laut: hehe mungkin
• Mona Purbakanti: heheh
• Cumi laut: gue barusan nonton pelem goblok ga masuk akal dengan topik aneh kemaren
• Cumi laut: judulnya "love and other disasters"
• Mona Purbakanti: hahahah
• Mona Purbakanti: dimana?
• Cumi laut: dan meski tuh pelem konyol banget topiknya ngaco tentang gay2 gitu dan mbak2 dengan akting aneh dan berusaha anti holiwood banget
• Cumi laut: di kosan adik gue
• Cumi laut: ada satu hal yang namplek muka gue dan gue sadari ga terjadi di kehidupan nyata
• Cumi laut: di pelem itu tiap nasihat yang dikasi tuh selalu di ikuti oleh yang mendengarnya dan akhirnya yang mendengar pun menemukan sisi baik hasil dari melakukan nasehat pihak pertama tersebut
• Cumi laut: dan itu terjadi lebih dari dua kali mungkin
• Cumi laut: dan gue trus relate ke temen2 gue
• Cumi laut: dan betapa mereka tuh sebenernya ga mau denger nasihat siapa2 tapi cuman mau didukung aja keputusannya, seberapa ngawurnya tuh keputusan
• Cumi laut: hihi gue ngropyos kaya kebo bunting
• Cumi laut: dan akhirnya gue sampai pada titik, halah percuma juga mikir nasehat yang tepat ampe peng2an, akhirnya mereka ga ngedengerin juga hihi
• Cumi laut: apa gue aje yang nasehatnya kurang nampol?

the dreaming tree

Standing here, the old man said to me
'Long before these crowded streets, here stood my dreaming tree'

Below it he would sit for hours at a time.
Now progress takes away what forever took to find.

Now he's falling hard, he feels the falling dark,
how he longs to be, beneath his dreaming tree.

Conquered fear to climb, a moment froze in time,
when the girl who first he kissed promised him she'd be his.

Remembered mother's words, there beneath the tree,
'no matter what the world, you'll always be my baby.'

Mommy come quick, the dreaming tree has died,
the air is growing thick, a fear he cannot hide

The dreaming tree has died.


Oh have you no pity

This thing I do

I do not deny it

All through this smile

As crooked as danger

I do not deny

I know in my mind

I would leave you now

If I had the strength to

I would leave you up

To your own devices

Will you not talk

Can you take pity

I don't ask much

But won't you speak

Please

From the start, She knew she had it made
Easy up 'til then, for sure she'd make the grade

Adorers came in hordes, to lay down in her wake
She gave it all she had, but treasures slowly fade

Now she's falling hard, she feels the fall of dark
How did this fall apart, she drinks to fill it up

A smile of sweetest flowers, wilted so and soured
Black tears stain the cheeks, that once were so admired

She thinks when she was small, there on her father's knee
how he had promised her, 'You'll always be my baby'

Daddy come quick, the dreaming tree has died,
I can't find my way home, there is no place to hide

The dreaming tree has died

Oh, if I had the strength...
Take me back...

Take me back...

Take me back...

Take me back...

Take me back...

Take me back...

Save me please...



(followed by a beautiful solo sax for 29 seconds by Leroy (God rest his soul)

Taken from the album Before These Crowded Streets by the Dave Matthews Band, about one who questions faith through the subject of death.
the dreaming tree is a perfect utopian world. Written by Stefan Lessard (bass) in mourning the death of his daughter.

a beautiful song indeed.

weleh

mari mengevaluasi hidup gue halah

hmmm

ternyata setahun udah hampir lewat dan meski ada sedikit perubahan dan peningkatan, ga ada yang bener2 drastis, gue masi menunggu sesuatu yang besar dan fundamental terjadi, dan tentu saja tetap berusaha.. i push myself to keep trying

gue naik gaji. dikit. tapi masi lumayan, dari pada ngga naik2 juga, dan perlu diketahui, tujuan akhir gue adalah keluar dari lubang tai ini dan dapet kerjaan lain yang lebih baik, lebih jelas jenjang karirnya, dan bisa dinikmati.. dan gue akan tetap berusaha, karena kalo ga berusaha gue bisa stres sendiri juga

gue udah pindah kos ke tempat yang deket ama kerjaan, and it's a great place, ada tempat untuk merenungnya di lantai paling atas, gede bersih dan murah, ga begitu panas juga, tapi dengan tetangga gila yang might ruin everything.. istrinya hamil, jadi dengan takdir tuhan, gue harap dia pindah ke tempat yang lebih rendah, ga setinggi tiga lantai misalnya.. hihi dan gue pun bisa menggila nyetel musik sekeras neraka dan tereak2 dengan suara separau mungkin tanpa takut ngebikin anak orang keguguran.

gue ga tau hubungan gue dengan oppie gimana sekarang ini, i guess everything's fine with her (benarkah) hanya terkadang gue merasa gagal untuk ngebuat dia bahagia, mmmppff..

dan entah gimana ni hubungan jadi tambah susah, nyokap yang ga begitu suka ma gue, rada kecewa kali anaknya yang super imut cuman dapet cowo pendek gundul buncit suka ngupil, i don't blame her. tapi yang ngebikin susah mungkin gue sendiri. kadang gue emang bener2 cape banget dan ga begitu peduli juga dengan hal2 lain, buku dan karya2 on display in museums have always been enough, I guess i really should look for new places now to survive her love.. and i'm going to survive, i intend to, no matter how hard, cewe kaya gitulah yang seharusnya jadi cewe gue hehe

dan indah pun balik februari ini, it's her life, and I guess i still have to be there as a good friend, bakal krasa ga enak banget tapi, hei, this happens to everybody so.. i guess i'm everybody.

and God is my strength, the guide in the darkest night, the only one ... the only one who can show what to do and what not, eventually.. with his smiles i roam

devastated in a blow

i got, nothing in my hand.
there was nothing in my hand before but the very image of something was clear,
and i have nothing now.

or did I have something,
but whatever that something was, it's stricken me down, suffocates me now, staying with its state of leaving.

what's liberation? what's devine interfention? what's imposibilities? on what ground should it stand?
i'm half bathed, half colored.
i can't breath straight.

i need a drink, to lay down and stop thinking, stop wishing, stop believing in regrets.

i am a stone, baffled by the sea, drown in the ocean of uncertainty, the pond to my God, and devastated in a blow.

i am nothing, introduced to nothingness, to taste the joy of nothing served in a bowl of nothing with nothing on top, realizing that nothing will ever be enough.

and soon must face the induced impact of maturity, that moving on is not as easy as walking away.

magang di Jakarta Post

wohoooiii... hmmm.. sehari yang lalu, saat balik kekosan Grandong, gue memutuskan untuk njajal menulis sebuah essay, yang selanjutnya disebut sebagai opini ngasal, atau curhat tak tersampaikan, yang pada akhirnya bakal gue kirim ke Jakarta Post biar bisa ikutan program magang mereka, dari awal bulan depan ampe Desember, asik kali ye, gue selalu bermimpi untuk bisa kerja di Jakarta Post gitu, tapi yaaaah, its probably too much, but hey BANZAAAI!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why we risked getting squeezed in the city trains

Despite its soothing wordings in English, Indonesians know that the word city train, or the KRL, stands for a period of uncomfortable situations that at a certain point will need to be endured.

So what is the KRL? Long before the Transjakarta Busway, people from the outskirts of Jakarta have always had the, so far, fastest covering-limited-distance-transportation in the country at the most unreasonable price, in a good sense. Workers from areas like Bogor, Serpong, Depok, and Bekasi, could reach the center of Jakarta in a much shorter time, allowing them to commute on a daily basis and take light of that somewhat nonsense decision. I, myself, live in Depok and have to take the city train to Senen, and back to Depok everyday, the seemingly impossible distance between the two blurred with the aid of the white stallion. But seriously, If city trains were just an idea, with lack of realization, I would have been a part timer, going to work at six in the morning to get to the office at 12 till 6 to head home and sleep from twelve to six everyday, and of course die after three months of exhaustion, that’s right people, I’m talking about the ridiculous traffic. The city train is a gift, a blessing in such troubled time, a solution sought by those who demand answers, a solution to all of us, and I mean all of us, and how it is such a dangerous statement.

To be honest, there’s something wrong with the big picture. Like I said, saying that it’s a solution for everyone, it’s not supposed to be a solution acknowledged by everyone. These wide acknowledgments, added with the incontrollable blows of populations, making the train figuratively speaking a line of cans for human sardines, making me a tuna! But who am I to blame these people, despite their hobby of making babies, or seeing it as a trend, or the only activity to do on spare times...

A good principle of economy is to satisfy demands with sufficient supplies, and with more and more people taking the train, the providing of more trains wouldn’t hurt either. At this point the providing of more ‘cans’ is necessary to stop people from hurting themselves.

Subjectively, I could say that I hate taking the city trains and I will never recommend anyone to take them on whatever condition, I’m using the word ‘hate’ here. Just to let you know, I don’t use the word hate for everything else except Durian and getting mugged; for other circumstances, I use the word ‘dislike’.

But let me tell you objectively that the pair ‘city train’ should be described as ‘a popular attempt to commit suicide’ in the dictionary. Did you know that from the data of PT. Kereta Api, the average people whose casualties are caused by the city trains running in one track from Bogor-Jakarta and back alone reached 9 individuals a month? Try to accumulate it with the rest of the tracks-lines. Well, still not that many isn’t it? AIDS kill more people. But, did you know that 4 of these casualties got fried by the 10.000 Volts electricity running on top of the trains? Well, if you didn’t get on top of the train, you wouldn’t get fried, would you? Leaving you with the mere 5/9 chances to die. Let’s try another one; did you know that the average of injuries ranging from broken bones to the cutting off of projected parts of the body, like legs, hands, even fingers, reached 20 injuries a month, including those caused by falling off the train from the non-closable doors at 60 kilometers per hour, 2 kilometers per hour, and even at stationary? Well of course if you didn’t get anywhere near the doors, stay in the inside of the trains, you wouldn’t fall, would you? You’ll sweat like a mating hog, and got squeezed like a Teddy bear in the hand of a nauseated 2 year old, but you wouldn’t fall. Women might get abused sexually and pregnant women might faint -which happens all the time-, but they’ll go home in one piece eventually, wouldn’t they?

Wrong. Going home in one piece is not the thing that will happen at the end.

Poverty is the root of all evil, poverty too is the root of all desperations. The city train illustrated that well. The single running from Bogor to Jakarta represents multidimensional issues, the flourishing of poverty in every level of society.

Let me give you both the illustrations and the logic, you can rebut me if you want, but I won’t listen, unless you have my email address. The tariff from Depok to Cikini, my route, is Rp1.500. Of course the route from Bogor to the final station of Beos would only cost Rp.2000. I take additional bus, P20, which costs Rp1000 to Senen. If I do the trip with only busses, I could spend Rp5000 and even up to Rp8000 for a single go; they all double in the consumed time. I could take Transjakarta, but they double in distance and cost. Train is cheap, figure out the costs in a monthly basis and you’ll see what I mean. Now, how many Indonesian people make only Rp300.000 per month, how many Indonesian people make only Rp10.000 a day, you’ll be surprise. And that’s why many people decided to play this tuna role; to cut costs, probably because of their economy, but also because most of these people just can’t afford the other.

Then poverty leads to lack of education and vice versa, the education that education is important, and that it is accessible. It is a common knowledge that among all of the places in the city, most of the homeless children populations can be found lying around in train stations, having no option but to do all they can to survive another day, sweeping the floors of the trains begging for money, wasting their youth.

Lack of education then leads to lack of awareness, as simple as the awareness that littering could be bad. There’s a popular joke in Transjakarta, which is the reason why they don’t allow people to eat and drink in the bus is because they afraid that people might ignorantly throw their litter a meter away from them, out of sight out of mind, exactly like what happened in trains. Littering somehow has been a popular trend now, no matter how broke you are or how stinking rich you are, the average Indonesian people seem to have the thoughts that ‘you are not cool unless you can drink a plastic glass of water, and drop its empty container at your feet, and walk away with a straight face, looking like you don’t care’. One plastic glass is an antique, but 10.000 plastic glasses a day is a serious problem, of course if you care. But many don’t, that’s why you’ll think that the rail roads were build on a line of waste disposal terminal, that we have somehow developed a keen on disgusting decorations for public places.

We all know where lack of awareness leads, both social and environmental; they’ll turn left, go right, sweep round all negative reactions, and like vicious circles, they all lead back to poverty. Some people got rich, but their lack of awareness somehow blindfolded them from the growing conditions of how poor this country is to become, how they play part in the stripping, with all its natural resources consumed, some even destroyed unconsumed.

Those with enough income could take the air conditioned express trains now, stopping at specific business located stations, cost nine times more expensive than the original city trains – an effort to select their market as it is obviously seen-, and certainly cozy.

And the remaining limited numbers of city trains, with no doors, with people seemingly encouraged to try to get burned at the roof, with the joints unladed with sufficient floor, with pregnant women fainting all the time, will be given to us, more than two third of the populations circulating the city, those who live under the line of poverty.

No I don’t blame the vastly increasing populations, I blame those who have the power to control the population-increase and decided to be ignorant about it, just like how I blame the people who let us go up the roofs of 10.000Volts and burned ourselves, the people who could have given priorities to senior citizens and pregnant ladies, the people who could have seen the high demands for affordable city trains as profitable business opportunities, and of course I blame the same people who could have provided doors to their up to 120 kilometers per hour running steel.

i just broke someone's heart this morning

i just broke someone's heart this morning

no. i broke her heart and mine

her name is Nyi Indah Kristianingsih, a woman who loves me so much, loves me so much that even the faintest description will not suffice. she loves me and i betrayed her, that her knowledge of me loving her is now a lie she sought, adopted to submerge my state of desperation.

i've been living on this beach for ages in solitude that suddenly she came with the promise to take me somewhere far, take me with her, and i agreed, and now someone else came with not much to offer, but better description of the shores. and while she worked for the taking, i'm here having my second thought, and now remorse.

i broke someone's heart this morning

and that's the shittiest shit i've ever gotten to deal with, and again?

i've never thought that i would ever get into this situation again after high school, once, just once, and i have carried the guilt on my back forever, until recently, and yet i did, to the same woman, twice now, my attempt for an atonement is her agony, i broke her heart again.

"you fool me twice, shame on me!"

i wish she was here, so she could just kill me, instead of having me killing her

i want to say i love you so much, but the finger won't move, yet it doesn't feel like a lie, it was what i feel, illogically, but the finger won't move.

oh how she loves me, how she wants me, how she thinks of no one better, how it succumbs me, how this makes me the evil monster.

how far would you go to lift your ideals?it's weird that a man of nothing like me would be that stupid to follow ideals, down to it's pit, letting it eats away at me. love should not win. it should surrender on nobility, picture of brighter future, the very essence of commitment, compromise, toleration. and i resent that, i have always resented that, believe in love i said, and never have i thought that i should face the wrath of that resentment, to stand for my ideals, and hurt the one, the only one i thought could ever love me so deeply, so undemandingly, so unconditionally, the only one i though could ever do, only to grant me a simple pointless thing, a nil mini scale particle size thing, to love as well.

oh what have i done, whatta fuck have i done, god damned me

oh how she wants me and loves the idea of me, how it became such a burden, how i was left alone to go nowhere but reaching at the moon, and how such a pathetic defense it was.

she loves me, but i guess it is not love that gives you the heart to leave the one you love alone to love someone else, and i loved her, for loving me the way she does, and how it breaks my heart now as i see my confusion as truth, my indecisiveness as guide, my foolishness as an option. and i probably don't love myself enough to fight for my own feelings. that the joy of all things is not the joy you should feel, but the joy you provide for someone else. that being happy of loving is crab and let someone loves you with all her happiness on a pan is a necessary sacrifice.

i'm sorry..

i'll stick on my own on this beach if you asked, endure the pain you suffer if you want, that's fair enough, but no, i can't let me linger on your side for too long..

i just broke my heart this morning

yours

You, with your hand outstretched
Finger on the key
This lock that you release
Is opening but isn't free
And I hope that you can see
How it beats inside of me
Instead of pushing fear aside
I want to run I want to hide
I am vulnerably yours

She, who is wanting me
Whose touch can make me cry
I can only understand
By never asking her why
Hear the contradictions fly
And as hard as I may try
Every truth becomes a lie
In the ache of her reply

I am passionately yours
And the saddest eyes are yours
And the softest skin is yours
And the hope I borrow is yours
So won't you let me in I'm yours
All that I begin is yours
Every prize I win is yours
At your feet again I'm yours
All I am is yours
All I am is wanting you

I've fallen down and I can't seem to come to
If I should die before I wake
I commend my soul into this ache
Up above the world so high
Where the water tends to meet the sky
She's all I'm after by the toe
And I won't let go...
And I wanted you to know
That if you reap what you would sew
I would take it blow by blow

All I am is yours
And the saddest eyes are yours
And the softest skin is yours
And the hope I borrow is yours
So won't you let me in I'm yours
All that I begin is yours
Every prize I win is yours
At your feet again I'm yours
All I am is yours

--------------------------------------------------------------------

waktu gue smu gue nemu kaset blues traveler di kamar kakak keponakan gue, dan salah satunya adalah lagu ini your, lyric by john popper, kayanya suatu fakta yang ga bisa dielakkan kalo gue, uhm, entah bagaimana, mengikuti selera musik kakak2 keponakan gue itu, tell you the stories later, gotta meet this chick I like so much.

Little Wing

well she's walking through the clouds
with a circus mind that's running wild
butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairy tales
riding with the wind

when I'm sad she comes to me
with a thousand smiles she gives to me free
it's all right, cos she said its alright

and I said, take anything that you want from me
I mean anything

like dust?

... still like dust, I will rise ...

itu adalah kutipan puisi karya Maya Angelou yang saya gunakan sebagai shout out di friendster saya.

dan tak dinyana seorang teman lama yang sekarang entah ada dimana mengkomentarinya seperti di bawah ini:

like dust?

like the sun, like the moon, like the smell of coffee in the morning, like the glow of street light, like health after sickness you shall rise

rise and be something you've always deserved to be

whenever you're ready

Kalau boleh jujur, saya memang belum sembuh benar dari sebuah luka yang pernah saya alami bersama dengan teman saya tersebut. Bedanya dia adalah seorang yang dapat pulih dengan cepat. Saya terkadang iri dengan makhluk bernama Audy ini. Dia dapat memandang hidup dengan demikian ringannya. Hidup seolah gelanggang permainan yang menawarkan sejuta petualangan baginya.

Bagi saya luka itu lama menutup. Menurut banyak teman, saya adalah orang yang kadang kelewat perfeksionis. Jadi kalau satu hal saja meleset dari perencanaan saya bakal lama terjebak dalam frustasi yang kadang tak perlu.

Bila Audy butuh satu detik untuk bangkit, saya akan butuh bertahun-tahun untuk sekedar berhenti menyalahkan diri sendiri. Kalau Audy hanya butuh sekejap untuk mendapatkan kembali kepercayaan dirinya, saya butuh waktu lama untuk sekedar berhenti mempertanyakan kompetensi dan kualifikasi saya.

Saya amat termotivasi oleh kata-kata teman saya yang satu ini. Setelah bertahun-tahun bakat sastrawannya makin saja terasah. Tapi saya agak kurang setuju dalam satu hal, tepatnya saat ia mempertanyakan like dust?

Bagi saya debu yang terinjak-injak dan seringkali dipandang tak berharga itu tak kalah dengan bulan, bintang, pelangi. Debu adalah sosok rendah hati yang meski terus diinjak dan direndahkan tetap memberi landasan kehidupan, dan alas kita berpijak. Debu meskipun seringkali berada di alas sepatu orang yang melintas, dapat terbang bebas saat angin menerpa.

... debu dengan segala kesederhanaannya dipandang TUHAN mulia, hingga makhluk yang paling mulia di muka bumi ini diciptakan dari bahan ini ...

Saya adalah debu, tapi TUHAN memandang debu ini mulia.

Cukup itu saja....

Meski manusia memandang rupa, tapi TUHAN memandang jauh ke kedalaman debu kecil ini.

... dan saya percaya TUHAN dapat menggunakan debu ini untuk kemulian-NYA.

Amin

GBU

------------------------------------------------------------------

so I was giving this comment to a friend in friendster, a smart friend, god knows, but seem to meet such a bad luck in career, bull shit. and that's what I tried to tell her with the 'stuff' I write, that whenever you're ready, your luck will change, not by simply giving it to god, cos life is too damn precious to simply be handed to fate, but by giving it a good fight, by keep marching forward, trying really hard and give the rest to whatever supreme being up there has the right to decide.
one of the olympic principles, though I think contains a bit propaganda, yet acceptable, is.. something like

"the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle"

and no, this does not mean that I have reached my final grandeur of life, me too stuck in a despicable state, but I guess I resent, trying to fight, to change, to seek something better, to fuck luck if I'm running out of it, to fuck limitation if I got stuck with it,

to just go for it

kiss me

Silent star
screams afar
I gaze at you my light

exploding chill
this aching will
when the moon is right
you shine

hold it up
don't let it down
don't stop me now

kiss me
please just kiss me
'cause your eyes look adorable
with you I'm home again

emerging fear
that you're not here
I can see
you're changing ways

the wind is strong
the moon is gone
and your shadow disappears

hold it up
don't let it down
don't stop me now

kiss me
please just kiss me
'cause your eyes look adorable
with you I'm home again
don't stop me now

binguuung binguuung ku memikirkan

gue bingung..

akhirnya, setelah duapuluh tahun gue menjalani hidup gue yang absurd dan ga jelas ini, akhirnya, gue menemukan..

uhmmm ga, ga akan memulai post kali ini dengan romantisme dan intro melow ga jelas,

tapi tempting abis ga si?!

gue udah menemukannya, seseorang itu, yang bisa ngasi lo udara saat lo susah bernafas, yang menyambung kalimat lo saat mendadak gagu, yang datang dengan cara yang aneh, pergi dengan cara yang aneh tapi tetap ada dengan cara yang anggun

seseorang yang dapat memberikan kehangatan, saat lo kepanasan, kedinginan, bahkan saat dia kedinginan juga.

rasanya menyenangkan..

kalo lo bisa menghentikan waktu lo akan menghentikan tiap-tiap waktu bersamanya dan hidup di waktu yang berhenti itu selama yang lo bisa, dan berharap lo bisa melakukannya lagi in slow motion..

rasanya bener2 hebat, gue jadi suka diri gue gitu, karena percaya bahwa mungkin, gue udah ngedapetin cangkir itu, the holy grail. susah banget ngejelasinnya, tapi gue jadi suka diri gue, bukan berarti bahwa sebelumnya gue ga suka ama diri gue, gue sangat mencintai diri gue huahahaha -pengakluan seorang narcist-

tapi rasa suka ini lebih ke rasa hormat, penghargaan, kaya hati kecil yang bilang "lumayan audy, lumayan, kali ini lo melakukan sesuatu yang bagus.. lumayaaan"

lumayan?!!! hehe yaa begitulah, itu limit yang paling atas hehe..

tapi kenapa tertuju ke gue?


udah deh, apaan si ni, malah jadi sikolojikel triler gitu..






tapi trus kenapa gue bingung?


gue bingung.. akan ada saat dimana gue kudu merobek, dan menjahit, dan gue bener2 ga suka merobek, meski gue tau bahwa menjahit ga akan bisa dilakukan sebelum beberapa kainnya dirobek.. gue mungkin akan memasuki sebuah kondisi yang selalu gue bilang konyol, dan ga mungkin gue lewati, karena daya kontrol gue terhadap hidup gue sangat tinggi, tapi mungkin, dengan kondisi2 beginian ngebuktiin kalo yang terjasi adalah kebalikannya.. dan gue pun bingung.. kini..

pada waktu2 yang akan datang gue mungkin akan lebih ke 'oh tidaaak' dan ga bingung doang..

tau ah

pokoknya mari hentikan waktu dan hidup di moment ini selama mungkin!



welcome you beautiful you

Hati Grandong (episode satu)

Cumi laut: btw si r (ridwan) mo curhat gitu
Cumi laut: kemaren tiba2 tlpon siang2
Cumi laut: lama banget tentang cewenya gitu deh
Cumi laut: hehe gue ceritain ke lo yeee
Cumi laut: melihat pendapat lo dari sudut pandang seorang ahli silat yang terkenal di dunia perhelatan jurus dan ajian maut
oppie: bole2
Cumi laut: yaaa
Cumi laut: ehem
Cumi laut: muga2 si ridwan ga ampe budeg pa sakit telinga parah karena gue pergunjingkan ma lo
Cumi laut: kemaren kan cewenya sakit gitu
Cumi laut: dan akhirnya dia (r) nganter cewenya gitu ke cikarang
Cumi laut: naik bis
Cumi laut: trus pas nyampe asrama tuh cewe, tiba2 dari dalam kosan, muncul seorang lelaki
Cumi laut: AAAAUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! (jegerrrrr!!!!)
Cumi laut: yang notabene adalah bekas pacar dari si cewe (sebut saja initialnya IR)
Cumi laut: bagaimana kelanjutan kisah cinta si R? apakah yang sebenernya diinginkan oleh sang bekas pacar? aapakah pertumpahan darah di siliwangi akan terulang?
Cumi laut: akan terjawab jika anda menulis kata dibawah ini persis
Cumi laut: "cumi.. gw kangeeeeeeeeennn pingin peluuuuuk!!"
Cumi laut: silakan
oppie: 15.750 IDR per 5 mnt okey
oppie: ho oh.. tus
oppie: cikarang? t4 sopo?
oppie: JENG JENG JENG JEEEENGGG....
oppie: apakah itu?
oppie: ............. ................. ..................
oppie: "jebakan" !!!!
Cumi laut: hahahahahahahahaha
Cumi laut: (kurang ajar ketahuan..)
Cumi laut: baiklah lanjuuuuuut!!!!
oppie: hey mpu tejo!!! kaw mremehkan ajimat tangkis bau ketek ku!!! lihatlah... akan kubalas kaw nanti!!!
Cumi laut: nah trus ternyata tuh cowo mengharapkan kejelasan hubungannya dengan si IR
Cumi laut: sulastri.. kau telah banyak berlatih..
Cumi laut: iye
Cumi laut: "hah?! kejelasan hubungan? jadi selama ini tidak ada kata putus diantara mereka" kata hati kecil si ridwan
oppie: si R menanyakan kejelasan prempuan dgn IR ??
Cumi laut: dan akhirnya mereka punj bercakap2 dengan si ridwan didepan mereka
Cumi laut: gaaaa si cowo menanyakan kejelasan hubungannya dengan si IR
Cumi laut: si R adalah partai ketiga yang tidak mempunyai hubungan jelas dalam event kali ini
Cumi laut: si IR tuh cewenhya gimana si loooooooo
oppie: ooooo
oppie: tus tus
Cumi laut: IR Iera Rahayu (misal, itu adalah nama rekaan belaka, gue lupa Iera siapa namanya, maklum bukan cewe gue)
Cumi laut: naaah
Cumi laut: selama adu perdebatan yang tidak begitu sengit dengan si cowo memerankan peran Mr. Nice Guy, dengan kebaikan hati mengharapkan Iera jatuh dalam pelukannya kembali,
Cumi laut: si R mendapati dirinya dilanda kegundahan yang amat sangat
Cumi laut: karena muncul kata2 sayang diantara mereka, panggilan sayang, dan masih banyak lagi hal2 yang ga saya dengar karena hubungan telepon yang ga begitu bagus, di lakukan di persimpoangan jalan sepertinya..
Cumi laut: akhir dari perhelatan itu, adalah taunya brama kumbara, bahwa mak lampir tak lagi menginginkannya, dan mak lampir sudah punya grandong kini
Cumi laut: cast: mak lampir: Iera; Grandong; Ridwan; Brama Kumbara: cowo ga jelas dari dalam kosan iera
oppie: tragissss
oppie: kemudian...
Cumi laut: dan cut scene ke R kini, menelepon ogut dari persimpngan jalan, on the way ke rumah Iera untuk mendapat kan kejelasan
Cumi laut: kelanjutan cerita dapat anda dapatkan dengan mengatakan passwort: cumiailopyou
Cumi laut: silakan
oppie: uhm hm... uhm hm...
oppie: and theeennn....
oppie: phuh.. tang tang tang.. 'GA MEMPAN' !!! teruskan TEJO!!!
Cumi laut: ck.. gue udah kehabisan ide..
Cumi laut: yo wis proceeeeeeeddd..
Cumi laut: nah ada beberapa hal yang di tanyakan Grandong kepadaku..
Cumi laut: DEREEEEEENGENEGENEEE (coundtrack)
Cumi laut: "Aku bingung.." begitu dimuainya percakapan ini..
Cumi laut: "Apa yang harus kulakukan Mpu.. apakah aku harus mengakhiri hubungan timpang ini?!"
Cumi laut: Mpu Tejo mengerutkan kening.. asap dupa membahana di penjuru padepokkannya, suara suara anak-anak tetangga yang berlatih silat menghiasi padepokan itu
Cumi laut: "Grandong anakkyu.. apa sebenarnya yang kau pikirkan.." kata Mpu dengan suara dalam, melambangkan bertahun2 pengalaman hidup yang penuh terpaan cobaan..
oppie: knp..
oppie: knp dia bingung tejo...
Cumi laut: "sebaiknya kau tanyakan sendiri, apakah kau mencintai si Lampir, kau tahu dari dulu bahwa giginya memang hijau, rambut awut2an, tapi kau tetap menerimanya.. seharusnya kini, sewaktu dia menolak Brama Kumbara didepan matamu, kau tahu bahwa Lampir benar2 menginginkanmu.."
Cumi laut: dia bingung, sulastri, karena dari yang diucapkan oleh Brama dan Lampir, dia menangkap sebuah fakta yang mengharu biru.. bahwa dia, grandong yang halus budi pekertinya itu, merasa bahwa dirinya telah di tipu mentah2
Cumi laut: bahwa banyak hal yang ternyata berbeda dengan yang selama ini dikatakan
Cumi laut: dalam salah satu session misal, grandong berkata dengan lirih
Cumi laut: "dia bilang kemudian bahwa hubungannya dengan Brahma telah usai, tak ada lagi berlatih ilmu di sendang, merajut kolor di gubug belakang hutan.."
Cumi laut: "tapi aku tak yakin Mpu, dia juga mengatakan hal yang sama berbulan2 yang lalu.. aku bingung Mpu.. aku merasa tertipu.."
Cumi laut: untuk kelanjutan cerita, sampaikan kalimat berikut ini ke teman di sebelah anda .. "cumiimutguesuka"
Cumi laut: silakan
oppie: laluuu... apa yg terjadi????
oppie: hm....
oppie: penipuan memang sangat menyakitkan!!!
oppie: okeh.. done
oppie: lanjut tejo..
Cumi laut: heh
Cumi laut: udah lo bilang ma sapa?
Cumi laut: teman sebelah anda harus mahluk hidup
Cumi laut: golongan manusia bermata dua
Cumi laut: berkaki
Cumi laut: bertangan
Cumi laut: dan dapat melakukan pekerjaan dengan pikiran dan otak
Cumi laut: ga mau yang ga idup
Cumi laut: (hehe apaan si ni, niat banget dibilang imut)
oppie: IYA UDAH
Cumi laut:
Cumi laut:
oppie: prempuan brambut item berbaju kuning
oppie: saksi bisu.. *eh.. bisa ngomong deng
oppie: lanjut
Cumi laut: yo wis
Cumi laut: nah
Cumi laut: Mpu yang tua renta dan tinggal lemak pembungkus jeroan itu pun bingung..
Cumi laut: tak tau harus berkata apa demi meyakinkan pemuda yang begitu bingung dihadapannya itu
Cumi laut: akhirnya dia berkata lagi.. "jangan terlalu cepat memutuskan sesuatu.."
Cumi laut: tiba2 si..
Cumi laut: bentar gue nyelesaiin artikel dulu bentar ye hehe
Cumi laut: lanjuuuut
Cumi laut: "oppie.. gue kangen.."
Cumi laut: upw salah skript.. bentar.. NAAAH ketemu.. oke.. bentar halaman mmm halaman 45.. ok
Cumi laut: tiba2 si Grandong njeplak.
oppie: iye iye. gw tau lo grogi.. lanjut ajah
oppie: ....
Cumi laut: "Mpu saya heran.. dari pengalaman mpu, sebenernya emang cewe2 tuh seneng2 aja membantu bekas cowonya ya? si Lampir misal, dengan senang hati membantu Brama dalam mengembangkan ajian Kentut Telor Busuknya,mereka bahkan ampe adu kentut juga!"
Cumi laut: "saya bingung.. saya misal memang sempat putus nyambung dengan Cintia.." (bekas paacar Grandong adalah Cinthia Rothrock, bule jago silat yang sempat mengasah ajian2 nya di padepokan Grandong di karang asem)
oppie: hekhekehkehekhekheekh (ngakak ditahan.. )
Cumi laut: "kita sempat bertengkar dan balik dan bertengkar sampai tujuh kali-an (ini informasi sebenernya, ridwan n bekas pacarnya sempat putus nyambung sampai tujuh kali-an sebelum bener2 putus-"
Cumi laut: "tapi pas kami bener2 putus.." lanjut Grandong dengan antusias perang arab, "saya benar2 tak mau lagi berurusan dengan Cinthia, saya merasa jengah dan mual dengan kehadirannya, dia itu nggak banget mpu.."
Cumi laut: sebagai informasi tambahan
oppie: hohoho.. lalau
Cumi laut: Grandong dan Cinthia bertemu sejak mereka masih duduk di bangku SMU, Grandong, anak bawang yang setia, berpacaran dengan Cinthia kelas tiga SMU, dan lanjut sampai kerja, secara keseluruhan mereka telah menghabiskan up to 5 tahun bersama, bisa dibilang Grandong hanya berpacaran dengan tiga wanita dalam hidupnya, Cinthia, Mamak Lampir dan mbok jamu dari cepu, tapi cuman one night stand
oppie: yap...
Cumi laut: hehe
Cumi laut: jadi saat dia bertanya pada Mpu kita yang keren dan imut dan disukai oleh Sulastri dengan segenap hatinya (muga muga)
Cumi laut: Grandong benar2 bingung
oppie: apakah itu?
oppie:
Cumi laut: "hmmm.." kata Mpu.. "aku tak yakin Grandong.. sebagian wanita memang begitu, tapi aku yakin itu didasari oleh rasa suka, atau mengharapkan.. tapi atau hanya ingin membangun hubungan baik.."
Cumi laut: "itu tergantung tiap wanita.."
oppie: hm... lalu
Cumi laut: Akhirnya Mpu mengeluarkan statement penutupnya "aku akan mengatakan ini hanya sekali saja Grandong, selanjutnya segalanya terletak di tanganmu anakku.. kurasa sudah saatnya kau tau bahwa jika Lampir memutuskan untuk bersamamu, mengatakan pada Brama didepan matamu bahwa dia sudah memilikimu kini, kau harus ada di sana, dan bukannya kebingungan, kau seharusnya malah yakin dengan perasaannya.. pada intinya, saat dia jatuh, kau harus ada untuk menangkapnya, dan bukan meninggalkannya.. karena jika kau meninggalkannya, lelaki itu yang akan menangkapnya.."
oppie: - sambil gawe ya drong.. -
oppie: eh salah.. mpu masud gw
oppie: heheheh
Cumi laut: Grandong diam.. dan berkata.. "sudahkah kubilang Mpu, kalo mereka putus karena perbedaan aliran? Lampir aliran hitam dan Brama aliran putih? jadi sebenernya tak ada perbedaan mendasar diantara mereka.. mereka putus karena terpaksa.."
Cumi laut: "yooo gaweoo sulastriku yang kuimpikan tiap malam" kata Mpu
Cumi laut: "HOI MPU!!" Hardik Grandong
Cumi laut: halah
Cumi laut: ya gitu doang sih
Cumi laut: yah begitulah akhir episode "Hati Grandong" bagaimana pendapat anda sulastriku yang manis

the port

yang bakal gue ceritain adalah fiktif huhuuu, ya jelas fiktif ong ndagel ga jelas, hehe gue cuman pingin ngasi kemungkinan2 yang bodoh aja dalam sebuah cerpen, namanya juga fiktif apaan si?

baiklah


the port

tahun 1947,

saat indonesia gencar2nya perang dengan Ukraina karena masalah minyak yang ga kunjung reda , saat China, negara adidaya menindas negara2 miskin seperti rusia, jerman dan amerika halah.. males nerusinnya

intinya tentang sisa port jman perang yang masih bisa ditemukan sekarang gitu, jadi seorang pemuda yang males berangkat kantor ke senen dari depok, sounds familiar, tiba2 nemuin sebuah gua kecil di kebun seberang kos yang kalo masuk keluarnya di lantai bawah kantornya .. huhuuu keren ga si?!

dan akhirnya tuh pemuda membuka jasa pengiriman barang gitu.. sampai orang2 mulai curiga dan ingin merasakan nikmatnya berkendara lewat port2 itu, tapi yang susah diaturnya karena yaaa siapa sih yang ga pingin dapet transportasi effisien jaman begini, liat aja kereta kota!

pokoknya semula semua berjalan lancar ampe si pemuda itu untung besar, ampe dia mulai kewalahan, ada pemerintah daerah yang ingin mengklaim kepemilikan the port lah, orang2 yang merasa terlalu beribet lah, antre yang terlalu panjang lah, sistem pembayaran yang ga profesional lah, dan bahkan dichapter akhir muncul hantu port jaman jepang yang marah dan mentransfer orang2 ke daerah2 ga jelas tanpa penghuni untuk mati kedinginan, kepanasan, kelaparan, dan bahkan ketransfer ke tempat yang lagi perang termasuk daerah2 berbahaya2 di timur tengah.. memaksa ditutupnya the port dan dipenjarakannya pemuda itu, saat semua semakin memburuk, dan dia dipenjara di penjara salemba gitu..

sang pemuda menemukan sebuah lubang di bawah selnya, lubang menuju tempat familiar yang berbahaya, the port.. (dedeeeeeeeeng!!!!!)



hahaha keren banget

yaaaa gitu deeeh.. silakan yang berminat ngebikin novelnya hubungi saya untuk mengurus pembagian royalti hehe

6:45

is the passing train, and I can't believe I'm thinking about this, especially now.

my italy

started from a business

ended in a beautiful trip

started with a missing phone,

ended with sharing timmy

ended with a sad tortured smile

ended with a way I thought would be a start of something good

started with the hope that it would end soon

ended with a frail remorse, that it should have ended with something bad

started very slow

ended very fast

my italy is a short trip, profusely expensive but worthed, always in the dark but never brighter, everything's similar but nothing's exactly the same.

it went through like frenship, that bends.

it went through like rain, in warm winter

it went through like missing school after graduation

it went through and ended very soon

like several months

right after france

hearing optimism

slowly, I wipe the stain on my PC screen..

and lay my back on my chair, and though I feel relaxed, I wish I could just fall to the bottom of this, sinking waaay deeeeep..

I want to feel happy again

listing out

gue baru sadar beberapa hari yang lalu, betapa pergelangan tangan gue begitu kecil,

dan waktu berdiri di kereta gue sadar, betapa punggung gue terasa rapuh, dan badan gue dengan mudahnya dilewati angin.

image muka gue dikepala gue bener2 berbeda dengan apa yang sebenernya terlihat, gue hanya lelaki, yang terombang ambing oleh waktu, dan mulai kehilangan keseimbangan, dan mungkin akan segera tenggelam, terserap, kembali ketanah, dan menghilang.

aku mencintaimu nyi, maafkan aku

pada akhirnya apalah arti seseorang jika dia taklagi berarti bagi orang lain.

atau jika orang yang benar2 mencintainya menyerah, menyerah untuk terus mencintai, termakan rasa cintanya sendiri dan mundur.

mungkin ada, tapi kini ditempat yang sama ku duduk setahun ini, I'm just the remaining of myself, yang telah kehilangan harapan, hanya keinginan yang tinggal, tanpa tekad untuk mengubahnya.

I'm nothing without your love, cos somehow I can't love myself without believing that somewhere, no matter how far, someone really want me, to be with her.


love you so much dear, I'm sorry

free loop

I’m a little used to calling outside your name
I won't see you tonight so I can keep from going insane
But i don't know enough, I need some kind of lazy day
Hey yeah

I've been fabulous through to find my tattered name
I'll be stewed tomorrow if I don't leave us both the same
I don't know enough, I need some kind of lazy day
Hey yeah

It's hard for me to lose in my life I've found
Only time will tell and I will figure out
That we can baby, we can do the one night stand

It's hard for me to lose in my life I've found
Outside your skin, right near the fire
That we can baby we can change and feel alright

I'm a little used to wandering outside the rain
You could leave me tomorrow if it suits you just the same
And I don't know enough, I need sun when it leaves the day
Hey yeah 

ripping and bullet proofing

ripping is her first 'half' name,

ka is derived from the word kachink!! a sound of bullet bounce back after a hit,
she's an armor, who rips,

rips my heart she did

what's it like to fall in love

well..

say the object of your affection walks by..

first, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards.

all the moisture makes you sweat profusely.

this condensation shorts the circuits to your brain. and you get all woozy.

when your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like cretin until she leaves .

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quoting after you know who from you know what

dying

I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest
I'm Dying to live without you again

I'm Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me
I'm Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see
It's the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent
I'm Dying to live without you again

The first time you left I said goodbye
Now there's not a prayer that can survive

Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again
Dying, Dying to say what I always should have said
It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again

It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this
As long as there's a breath...

I'm Dying and I can't live without you
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's funny that the song does not remind me of the person it used to remind me of,
it reminds me of the love instead..

reunian

hoi

sori lagi bales, rodo bete ki akhir2 iki, padahal biasane ga tau bete. halah

yo reuni biasa2 wae, mulai jum'at wingi, dadi bar tekan omah jam 3 esuk, beberapa jam berikutnya, setelah ngobrol ngalor ngidul karo simbok aku mangkat kerjo, ning warnet dipo, trus teko kampus jam 10an, wis do mlebu ternyata, n kui jam makan pagi, gaya yo ono jam makan pagi barang, tapi isine ki jan mung panganan pasar karo teh lan kopi, jarene coffee break, tapi mbok isine ki ojo mung kopi tok..

trus acara ne diterus ke karo semacam seminar ngono, aku ning kono ketemu konco2 cah 2001 ono 13an, si pipim, iskandar n soni teko, n aku guyon2 wae, herlina yo ono tapi tak cuekin, lemune pol saiki huahaha (tawa kemenangan).

kita gokil, kan enek acara sing tebak lagu ngono, kita selalu ngacung disik dewe, n selalu salah, tapi have fun huahaha luweh, wis bayar satus ewu nek ga have fun kok bedumen.

trus bar kui enek success story, trus ono ibu2 maju nyritakke cerita suksese, tapi kita tak mendengar n sibuk bercerita, pingin ngerti pie kabare cah2.

si soni bar metu seko kerjaan n sak iki join klub nganggur bareng pipim, gendar yo metu tapi cah kui langsung entuk kerjaan enak n gaji gede, yo nasib uwong emang bedo2, trus enek beberapa wong, fitri, sepupune koncone mbokku, n koncone seko sekolahane fitri yo metu n entuk kerjo ning semarang.

trus begitu sadar ternyata wis jam 12, aku langsung ngebut ning internet kampus, posnet, n nggawe berita, berita ne enek loro, malesi tok, gede2 sisan, biasa si awe subarkah, aku wis bener2 muak ik karo kerjaan iki..

trus aku gabung meneh ning BU, acarane ki ning BU, mereka lagi enek seminar tentang fullbright, n seko seminar kui juga aku ngerti nek aku ga ketompo fullbright huehehe yo wis lah, pekerjaan dan keinginan S2 ku emang ga nyambung, I need to change my occupation.

ketemu karo bu Irene, pembimbing skripsiku, de'e bercerita tentang kisah asmarane karo bojone ndisik ke iskandar, n ngomongke pembimbing skripsi liane sing ga bisa dihubungi, dan tentu saja iskandar harus menanyakan pertanyaan yang sama sekali berbeda dengan toipiknya, kadang aku merasa nek de'e ki ga iso ngrungakke wong lia, rodo ono masalah dengan sensor sosialnya.

aku lali bar kui nopo maneh..

ketokke uwis bali n kumpul maneh jam 5 sore..

iyo aku bali jam papat n ngobrol sedelok karo simbok, de'e lagi disibukkan dengan pemilihan lurah opo kepala desa ngono, dikon masak2 nek ga salah, tapi de'e wegah dan memilih untuk mung lingguh n ngobrol2 huehehe

trus aku mangkat maneh jam 6, nonton drama sing pernah tak mainke nggo reunian sebelumnya, 4 tahun sekali, berarti sekitar 4 tahun yang lalu, judule the proposal, ceritane tentang wong sugeh sing pingin ngelamar cewek, gaweane anton chekov, tapi sing iki bener2 beda, kebak nyanyi2 n dansa2 ne, aneh. wonge ono sekitar 20 an ya'e akih yoo.. trus enek meong2e ngono maksude opo jal..

si adith isik singgawe musike, padahal wis lulus, angkatan 2000 bekas pacare ajeng, n saiki isik dikon gawe musike, rodo ironis karena dulu kita mengira nek de'e mesti bakal sukses, pinter nggawe lagu, n many of which digawe nggo drama, dan mendapat publisitas yang lumayan, karena cd drama yo didol, 30 ewu per cd, n enek sekitar 3 drama gede sing musike kabeh digawe adith, papat karo iki, tapi lihatlah, adith yo mung dadi tukang gawe musik drama kuliahan tekan saiki, bener2 ironis.

drama ne lumayan, sakdurunge drama bu ina, dosen pembimbing drama memanggilku n ngejakki aku ning tempat make up mereka, trus dia mengenalkanku huahaha,

"ok guys listen up, here is the original Tony Neverenuff," huahaha aneh men, trus tony sing seri iki teko, n cah2 do muni "yang ini lebih ganteng buu..

halah isin aku tapi yo pie maneh.. huehehe trus aku muni

"ok guys gud luck!" halah elek men

dan drama pun dimulai, ternyata kongono yo nonton drama, selama iki aku ga tau nonton, mung main, dan ternyata penuh dengan kepalsuan, halah, yo srimulat berbahasa inggris gitu deeeh.. pas tak tekoki pipim

"aku nek main ndak yo kongono?"

de'e muni

"ho oh, ngisin2i yoooo"

haha

asem, trus bar drama acara mangan gede, tumpeng akih banget, males, lawuhe garnish, dadi pingin, durung ma'em ki huehe, trus diteruske nyanyi2 n dansa dansi, ketemu cah debate2 anyar, seperti biasa aku di kenal ke n kabeh do ndlanguk ndelokke aku, mara'i males, ketemu hengki n nina, konco seko angkatan tuo, nina saiki dadi dosen ning kono, n crita betapa melelahkanya dadi dosen, n hengki crita betapa menyenangkannya pekerjaannya, aneh, de'e dadi tukang ngrasakke panganan n minuman ning denpom, po opo yo, makanan dan minuman association gityuu deeh, dan enek hubungane karo kadin gitue dyeeeh..
trus pas tengah2 mosok si herlina ngejak ngomong ning njobo, ih males, aku bener2 jengah, nopo yooo, yo pertama sih ngomong biasa, tapi aku kebak menenge, trus tiba2 de'e ndudohi cincin.hehe cincin cowok, cincin ku ik, ndisik tak kekke sih iseng, ternyata isik di enggo tekan saiki, tapi kok itu tidak berdampak apapun bagiku yoo..

trus de'e ngejak ketemuan minggu, aku muni wae nek awane aku meh ning tuntang karo mbokku dadi ga iso ning ndi2, cincine tak jaluk tapi ga dikekke, tapi aku yo males ngoyak2 karepe lah, aku bener2 ga peduli, trus secepatnya aku meninggalkannya, hehe dengan cara ngejaki de'e mlebu, ternyata acarane wis dugeman ga jelas ngono, halah, dugeman poco2 ga jelas ngono kae loh, lek sepi banget, yo wis trus bali, n aku turu ngomah. cah2 jane pingin turu ngomah tapi aku ga entuk, soale mung ono mbokku, ternyata bar aku ngomong karo simbok de'e yo pingin cah2 turu ngomah, soale kebak panganan n de'e ga bakal mangan panganan kui

simbok ki tuku macem2 kae, kebak barang ning kulkas, termasuk MR. Potato huehehe, trus de'e yo tuku coklat segitiga kae loh, opo jenenge, trus muni "iki coklat kok putih to?"

toblerone halah

yo mung ngono tok hari pertama.

trus hari kedua dino sebtu, mangkat esuk juga, tapi sekitar jam 9an aku mangkat, seperti biasa mama bingung aku kudu nggo klambi opo, aneh yo, ketokke kongono wae kok penting.

si soni ga mangkat, de'e kudu ning semarang

mung aku gendar n pipim, beberapa anak sing ga penting, n cewe2

si yoan teko, koncoku cedhak seko china, cah kui bener2 aku banget, teman dekat, sayange kok ga patikko ayu huehehe, tapi de'e bener2 jago bikin aku ngguyu, de'e pinter nek kon nirokke rani, kelingan ga? teman sekelas kita sing saiki dadi dosen UI, persis banget. enek potone kok, ngko tak dudohi.

trus aku ngelatih debate, seko jam songo tekan jam 11, disela2 nglatih melu lomba aneh2 ning tengah lapangan, termasuk nangkepi ayam, ga do wedi flu burung yooo..

trus bar kui numpak andong keliling salatiga, aku pertama karo pipim, tapi trus dikon siji2 karena andonge kakean, keliling kota naik andong ki jan mambu tenan, tapi yo lumayan menyenangkan, pak tukang andonge curhat betapa de'e ndisik ndue jaran telu, n saiki gari siji, andonge peninggalan nenek moyang tahun 60an, n jarane ki dikepang halah

trus awane nongkrong ning warung bareng pipim, gendar yoan n herlina, aku bingung, si herlina ki nesu2 mekso ngono, yo wis lah, padahal kene wis bersikeras males, yowis ga popo.. trus tuku mimik ning warung mburi kampus, hueheh aku lungguh cedhak yoan wae, si pipim cedhak herlina, ketokke cah2 yo do kroso nek aku menjaga jarak, luweh ah, aku wis kadung males.

trus bali. pipim karo gendar ning omahe soni, n aku bali dewe.

turu awan ning ngomah delok tkan jam 6, jarene dikon ning ngendiii ngono, nggo penutupan, cedhak kota, aku lali jenenge, yo wis aku teko, rodo telat soale males n kudu methuk fitri, de'e ga ngerti nggone, tapi tekan sekitar jam setengah woluan, n di joglo opooo ngono, kita ma'em, n acara nyanyi2 karokean penggalangan dana, aku kok males banget yo pas kui, serasa sepi dalam keramaian..

pingin lungo ning ndiiii ngono halah..

trus bali jam sekitar 11an, acarane jan nggemambush kae, enek salah satu acara kuis, sing soale "siapa kah suami ibu andriani karyanto" halah pertanyaan nggemambush, yo wis secara aku gokil (halah) yo aku maju n muni "bapak karyanto" huahahah memalukan, trus aku pasang tampang sok gokil ngono, alis maju munggah, hehe trus diusir kon lingguh huahahaha

bengi ne sak angkatan sempat nongkrong ning pinggir trotoar tuku wedang susu, tapi malah mekso n nggemambush juga, ga nyambung, n akhire bali dewe2, n malem iki cah2 do turu nggonaku, si soni kan melu ning pendopo mbah salam kui (hehe akhire ngerti jenenge) trus melu nginep sisan, tapi bali jam telu esuk, wedi di seneni mbokkne aneh yo?

yo wis lah sakkarepe

trus kita berbagi bokep!!! huahahaha biasa si iskandar kan juragan bokep, akeh banget, seko spg magelang tekan inul huahahaha, trus cah2 do nonton dvd karo ngemil ngentekke panganan ning kolkas, pertama nonton kura2 ninja, trus ditutup dengan ten things I hate about you, ternyata kui pileme apik yooo, n mosok to si pipim ga turu sewengi ik, nonton opo maneh ngono, ketokke philadelphia po opooo ngono, trus kita bangun jam 12 siang, mendapati si soni wis ga ono, ternyata de'e bali tenan..

yo wis kui akhir pertemuan ku dengan teman2, mereka bali sekitar jam papat sore.

yo begitulah acara reunian, si gendar ternyata mangkat bali pekalongan bar seko omah, n si pipim janjian karo herlina soale de'e meh ketemu dukun ning desone, semacam orang pintar gitu deeeh, n aku nongkrong ning omah, turu tekan bengi jam pituan.

bengine aku karo simbok tuku steak, ga enak, wis nunggune sue, ga teko2 rasane koyo tempe bacem, males, padahal nggone apik cedhak prapatan mesjid pandowo, tapi jan mung jual suasana malam, n makananne ga enak babar blas.

senen esuk aku kerjo, ngomong karo wong kantor nek acara reuniane bar minggu bengi, hehe reunian karo nyokap maksude, trus dolan ning kota bahasa, ketemu indri n yoan, guyon2 guyu2 ga jelas..

salah satu guyonane

indri, cewe gering senengane mangan sambel: pesawat ki saiki murah, (topike larangan maskapai penerbangan indonesia untuk terbang ke eropa) makane dadi aneh n mencurigakan ngono.. air asia sing jakarta medan pulang pergi wae saiki mung 23ewu

yoan, cewe seko china memakai baju hamil: mosok sih? murah banget!

Indri, sing senengane mlerok2 ga jelas: iyo, konco2 ku pas bali wae do numpak kui..

cumi, yang keren: iyo murah, tapi pintunya dari gorden..



huahahahahahahaha lucu banget yo aku ki encen ok..

aku bali jam loro sak uwis e maem, murah banget, aku entek 3500 padahal akih, n indri entek sewu limangatus, percoyo ga sih, si indri ngasi isin bayare..

trus bali turu ngomah tekan jam papat, n diterke bokap jam limo tekan

papa ki jan ngejakki urip ga sehat ok, mosok aku di tukokke gorengan sak bajek, tepatnya telungewu n sprite sak botol gede seliter, weleh.. tapi yo entek, sori sms2mu ga cepet2 tak balesi, biasa hape larang n dadi paranoid,dadi nek muni sekalipun ga tau tak angkat sakke yooo

btw terimakasih nelpon yooo

bar kowe nelpon adiku nelpon, kalian orang pertama yang mengetahui ultah ku, pas kowe nelpon kan ga enek nomere, aku wis paranoid, iki sopoooo nelpon2 bengi2.. neng ke wae ah..
ternyata kowe, lek pulsa ne entek cepet men, wis aku bar tuku pulsa 20ewu juga yo langsung entek dadi 3ewu, mung nggo tekok, lah piye iso ga?

begitu lah


lah piye dolan2 berlin mu?

I'm not happy

ck payah,

gue jadi berasa orang yang berkali2 di gambarkan di novel2..

orang2 yang menginginkan perubahan significant dalam hidupnya tapi ga bener2 ngelakuin sesuatu untuk merubahnya, sialan..

I know I have to at least write something, time waits for no one, but damn, how hard it is to get rid of thoughts like "tomorrow.." maan.. I'm in a deep shit..

write something dude!! melakukan sesuatu bukan cuman ngirim CV sebanyak2nya ..
If I want to be a swimmer, gue akan belajar berenang, n bukannya ngirim CV ke lembaga penyelenggara lomba renang..

jodoh, berapa orang bilang kerjaan bagus itu jodoh, we all know its a bunch of shit, people get the best job because they deserve it, they're doing great jobs, precious with their times, trustworthy, kerjaan bagus itu jodoh adalah propaganda buat orang yang ga pernah berusaha keras untuk dapetin kerjaan bagus, atau excuse untuk nggak ngelakuin apapun, I hate this shit!

huh sialan

dan liatlah gue, doing the same freakin stupid job I've been doing for the past 14 months!!
the same freakin job that I thought would last in just 6 months, god damn me..

it's like being in a coma and waking up realizing that the only thing u're good at is being in a coma

>sigh< I live my own life, and holding control of it, but these situations.. makes me realize that I don't have any control to any of these shits, not a shit!!

too many to think about, too many hearts to protect,


I'm not happy


not happy

Godbless - Ahmad Albar Superstar

tiba2 gue jadi bangga pernah ngefans sama godbless, meski itu jaman gue TK - SMP, jaman gue ga bisa ngomong dengan benar, dan mungkin jaman gue ga bisa mikir dengan normal juga, mungkin.

tapi godbless bener2 hebat, music yang secara lirik bisa dipertanggung jawabkan dan dalam, ga tentang cinta-cintaan doang tapi sesuatu yang merakyat, nyata, dan kadang penuh imajinasi ngasal yang bebas (menjilat matahari), penuh kepedulian yang sederhana dan lugas (kehidupan)

sekarang gue lagi mengakar lagi kesukaan gue tentang godbless, mencoba menikmati musiknya dan ngga cuman menyanyikannya, menyukai bass Donny Fattah, gitar Eet Syahranie, dan tentu saja Ahmad Albar, the superstar.

hehe jadi ingat betapa dulu gue pingin, dan bener2 pingin punya rambut krebo demi mengikuti sang idola, dalam bayangan gue waktu itu (bayangin ini) gue satu2nya anak yng berangkat kesekolah (SD gue dulu didekat Rawa Pening) dengan bangga, berjalan dengan mantap kesekolah yang berjarak sekitar 2 kiloan dari rumah gue, bangga karena gue berambut krebo..

ada kejadian ajaib juga waktu gue SD, hehe gue pernah menang lomba karaoke se-RT, juara dua, nyanyiin 'semut hitam' hehe.. eh apa 'hanya satu kata'-nya Hari Moekti ye? btw hadiahnya lumayan loh, lima bijih sarimi.. hehe

tapi kalo dibandingkan band2 lain saat ini, mutu musik kita bener2 udah turun, GIGI misalnya, puh, males gue, apa lagi setelah ada salah satu lagu mereka yang mirip banget ma lagu Avril, nyontek kok yo lagunya Avril.. gue berani taruhan album mereka yang baru juga paling jelek (jahat banget ye gue..) tapi imajinasi mereka tuh bener2 udah buntu, udah saatnya bubar -halah - lihat aja jumlah lagunya dari album mereka dari jaman sebot, lima side A, lima side B, ck.. mengecewakan..

hehe gue kok malah mengutuk GIGI gini sih..

pokoknya hari giiiiniiii ngomongin cintaaaaa?!

nggak banget!





temen gue barusan beli rockestra-nya Erwin Gutawa dengan Ahmad Albar disitu, and to be honest that's the best vocal yang ada di seluruh album, pure dan ga dibuat2, kekhasan yang nggak nyeleneh, dalem karena suaranya emang dalem, dan nggak perlu tinggi-tinggi melengking atau serak untuk tetap terlihat 'bekerja keras' dalam bernyanyi -its rock, people need alot of hard work in rock-, sementara penyanyi2 yang lain mencoba terdengar seperti 'diri mereka sendiri' dengan suara2 mereka, mirip komeng dengan suara 'khas'nya -kecuali Roy Boomerang yang emang keren hehe-

Godbless dengan Ahmad Albar superstar bagaimanapun merupakan bagian dari tahun2 kejayaan negri ini, dan gue bangga karena saat itu terjadi gue punya akses yang cukup, dimana Godbless kemudian menjadi bagian hidup gue, yang secara tidak langsung membangun jiwa gue lewat masa kecil gue, musikalitas gue, dan sudut pandang gue kini..


----> end of this blog

excerp 1 from --> surga keheningan

he stared onto the vast ocean in front of him, the sun is setting with the world wallowing on its surrounding waiting for the key moment to dim down and close the curtain. everything was blue and white, brighter in the sky and darker as it’s getting down

"why do you keep doing this?" said a familiar voice, the same voice that has been there for all of his life, the very voice that will repeat and repeat until the very question is answered

"why you keep doing this?

the man sits still, his eyes stared vaguely, and slowly the sun sinks, the wavy blue earth took it willingly like receiving a heart after a long gone, a brief of giving and receiving none, the moments passed untraced. nothing has changed but everything changed abruptly, and soon skies turned bluish red, clouds grew darker, and half of the ever glowing heart is implanted, leaving a trace of blood and bluish wounds.

"hmm.. I don't know.." he answered, nothing is changing in his expression.

"why do you have to do it?"

the man sat back as if taking a break from a heavy burden. He sighed and squandered.

"I guess i was.."

he stopped, partly looking for the perfect word to continue, partly waiting for the voice to ask again, partly enjoying the silence he made for himself, the brief silence he had always wanted every time.

".. repeating a pattern I don't know I have..don't you think?"

He waited. He waited for an answer that he knew would not come through, the voice has only questions to give, for over twenty years it has nothing but questions to give. still he waited.

the world is dimming down, sources of lights has swell to dark screened scattered rainbow as if blown away by the winds.

"I guess I failed, faster this time, with the only girl I wish I never have started anything in the first place"

at these times he could come up with hundreds of justifications, in which some of them really wise and make sense, that several of these some are really true, but he sits still. the wind blows his face and still he sits at the very spot he decided to sat on two hours ago.

"i can't believe you keep doing this! why?"

the voice returned, yet he remained silent, for ten years he has learnt to ignore these voices, learnt to take them as raptures to go to sleep with, listening but not really listening, pretending they were intended to someone else, or if the intensity got worse, pretending to listen to lamb of god without the band.

Seagulls were screaming in different tempo, he can't see them, he don't intent to. everything is dark now, lamp lights were lit and soon the place has returned to the very state it has been the night before.

the man sits still. he knows why. he understands exactly why he did what he did, because he is in love with this girl, the girl he thought he knows so well, yet not too well to be just another make beliefs, he's in love with this girl and he wanted to give himself a chance, he had failed and failed before, he had gone to places which remind him of nothing but failures and silly disappointment of him selves, places which make him laugh bitterly, places with specific scents and forms. and yet he persists. because love fails, and when it works, it is doomed to fail, and so as to get it, to embrace love or to get a sight at love in the very least, and though he knows he will fail, he persists, because all he needs is a single success, one success onto the next stage, that when it failed, fuck it. fuck it because he will love this girl forever, and forever is enough for him.

"I will do it anyways, patterned or not I still have to do it, I need to do this and keep doing this until.. until i don't think it’s important anymore.."

he thinks, he asked himself why, and stared onto the big empty, unfocused.
"well? aren't you leaving?" said the voice almost like a command

the man sits still.

he sits still.

and for a moment, there were silence..

picture two is a psycho duck

there's no way I would ever survive this life
if my heart beat twice as faster every time
and more sometimes
and my knees melt to my feet every time
with my lump jumping out from my mouth

there's no way I could let me linger
if that means to imprison me
to lock me from the outside
and squeeze me from within

Pursuit of Happyness

Suddenly i realized the distance between me and my dreams.. how I have so long abandoned them and forgoten anything about learning, preparing my self to get them..

I have gained nothing from my start, taken no step toward any of them, and here at the brink of my quarter.. I'm breaking down..

every possibility was raising to horizon until reality, or so I may perceive, anchor me back to the ground.. the prison I have been kept for so long.


isn't it funny that eventhough you know the right wisdoms to overcome your current state of despair, with you numbering them, listing them like birthday wishes, you just can't seem to grasp them.. and slowly you drown.. no matter how much you know about the swimming theories.

how many times have you pushed yourself to go forward, to trust yourself, or to trust other power beyond you, to keep charging..

..



there's absolutely no reason why people should give up, no real obstruction would ever stop people from trying, except one self, that little voice from deep within your heart uttering the words slowly, almost unheard..

"..its impossible.."

and then you would start to believe it, that it's just too much. that you're lucky enough to get where you are now..



so what.

I can think millions of discouragement for myself right now, another million when I get my hand on a cigarette, even more in blind nites.. but i've been thinking too much, and act less..

mom once said that when I was a kid, when i want something, I would say it to everybody, and they would remind me of what I want, and I would keep pursuing them until I get them..

and then I stop doing it, thinking that it was bad, but i shouldn't have stopped..

no one should ever have stopped..


I have dreams..

many of them are illogical..

but only because i think they are.. only because i allow myself to think that they are.

and soon all of them will be illogical..

and soon i would run out of 'reasonable' dreams





time is of the essence

i wish i had heard these words long ago..

'don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something. you've got a dream, you've got to protect it, people can do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. you want something, go get it. period.'











and that's exactly what i'm gonna do

love

before I go on bragging about love, let me tell you something stupid.
right this very moment, writing this stupid thought, I'm supposed to get a design job done, 28 pages, full remake, and the only think that stopped me is this..

I totally forgot how to make a freagin table of contents in the Microsoft Word!!!

and so I ate, came back, and still not knowing how to do it.. felt like trading brain with an imbecile..



love,

love at the first sight to be precise..

when I was young, junior high, people keep telling me "you're having a monkey love.." saying the words as if the simple ‘love’ is just not descriptive enough, some find it interesting to call it ‘monkey’.. damn..

and so I kept wondering, so what's the plain love? how does it feel? I mean if the monkey one felt like this, than the love one would definitely feel a lot different in a better sense, right? logic!

and what is love than?

I would walk and I would find someone attractive, continue my walk and I would find someone cute, someone with a beautiful smile, gorgeous eyes, someone who knows how to carry herself... If I’m lucky enough, I would find someone whose beauty is indisputable, sometimes I find someone funny, has a lot to talk about and more to listen to, at rare days I would bump into girls with combinations of the above factors, sometimes all of these descriptions are not enough, there are too many good things to explain.

but never do I walk and find love.

my long question since junior high had been answered, by me, and I disappointed myself..

I would walk, find someone attractive, and finding nothing more, continue my walk and find someone cute, and somehow there' nothing in it. I would gaze at someone who glides, admire the way she swifts, and when she's out of sight, she's out of mind.

its gone, the instinct, the voice within you who says "she's her!!".. long gone..


love now is nothing more than a strict adaptation, the leaning towards needing and emptiness when its over.

why would people not believe in love at the first sight, when nothing compares to its joy.

why people call it monkey and move to this new, and stupid one, this 'easier to find' one, yet it is as meaningless as everything else.

love does not grow, it strikes you. love does not root, it strangles you. love does not leave an empty place, it plucks your heart away with its sudden departure. and sometimes it stays, only to gloom away.

we used to joke about Romeo and Juliet, if any of them had not accidentally killed themselves, they would have been divorced at the age of forty.. why? because like I guess everybody else in the planet, they moved to this new and stupid one they called 'love'

I know a lot about monkey love

I knew everything about it

and like an 80 year-old geezer, sitting at a porch of an even older house, I remember those days, those glorious days when the so called love really strike you with joy of finding, and stomp you with the pain of losing..









coda: this is something funny, it's been a habit for me to put my 'entire clothing collection' to a laundry every end of the month, and the same thing happen this month, I don't know whether you could get the funny part of this story I'm about to tell or not, I don't really try to put some salt in it, but apparently the woman who is supposed to be responsible for the laundry is having a baby, which in general is just bad, but worse because, the laundry is closed and I'm left.. with nothing else besides the thing I'm wearing!! so.. get a move on you little baby!!!




----------------------------------------------------------
this one was made a month ago.. the baby was still in the frickin belly of that women!! damn!!!!

anyways.. I got my laundry back, and like a vicious circle, I left another big pile there..

desperately

desperately
is the only way he knows how to love

he can pretend
like the mountain
or hold himself swift from afar
but that would be a pretend

cos desperately
is the only way he knows how to love

if it failed
and it will
he can always pretend
but will you love yourself when you're not yourself?


desperately
is the only way i know how to love

and desperate acts
is the only acts I can figure
yet, no matter how pity is desperation
it is the fingers of these hands

please understand that 'crave not'
is an urge to stop loving

so leave if you should
and let his candle burned


in desperation
I'd probably do the same




------------------------------------------------------------------------------
puisi yang tiba2 ada di kepala gue.. sekitar 6 bulan lalu, yup.. it's about Irma, the one I so adore and admire (artinya sama ga si?) and love at that time.. love? I don't know anymore, but yeah, she was one of the nicest 'almost' i've ever had in this life, her along with several other that stick to my head

but pretty much talks about me haha!

hmm.. -talks about me having no job two years ago-

yup, I wrote this one two years ago, stranded somewhere I don't know, having no money and nothing to do but joining free stuffs and hoping to make a break, just hoping, cos it turned out that I didn't actually do anything.. damn..

well I got a job now, not that it's the best job ever but you know, this is not forever, and there will be time for me to fly, I'm curious to know what will take me to the peak of my life..

I hope i'm not being delusional..

anyways i dedicate this one for pipim, one of my dearest friends, as i know that he's repeating the same thing i was.. doing.. undergoing.. during this 'let down' period,

and of course bagor, another dearest friend i mentioned at the beginning of this thing, I hope you guys find your own entrance to the big picture, every dog has its day, and we all, god knows, waiting for that very day..

the day of elevation





hmm...

sayang bagor ga ikutan frenster, ga bisa show off kalo g ikut seminar ttng pembuatan pelem dokumenter, ya sbenernya ga bisa dibanggaain jg, itu lebih kaya acara formal dimana ibu2 ga jelas, yg based on the kindness of God bisa kerja di tipi, nanyain hal2 aneh ga mutu yg ga perlu dijawab juga, hehe sok bgt ya g?

pada akhirnya semua mengarah pada kemarahan g yg ngga dapet2 kerja..

tapi g heran jg, pertanyaan lumrah neh, pernah ga si lo, mikir mau apa ato apa yg mau lo kerjain setelah lo lulus?

hmm..

you've had always had those free time, but of course you had to take the wrong turn and spent the rest of the journey whining, complaining why didn't you take the other road!!

kaya bikin pelem dokumenter ma bagor..

one hell of ego to break down, meski tu pelem ga bakal ada penomenalnya or semacamnya, but that mostly the reason why i'm regreting it, not doing the thing that despite the fact i'm sucked at, but have always wanted to do (dan meski ga tau caranya juga)

pertanyaan yg sering g dapet (n paling susah jawab) stlh lulus adalah 'what kind of job you're interested at'.

i hate that question..

but seriously, how i wanna get involved with the media, being a reporter, conducting research and revealing crimes to the people, forcing the authorities to react, and do the right thing for your country.

naIVEly said without really see that you could always do such thing as an ordinary citizen..

tau deh..

basically, lulus was not the best part of life yet, not if you have no idea what to do afterwards..

piece of advise, get a job B4 you graduate or at least get a direction to where you're about to go.

if you really wanna be a war photographer, get a gear and join every photographic lesson you can get this instance, dont let the blade of time cut you in half..

and if you fail, hehe yg biasanya bakal gagal, remember; Tuhan itu maha kuasa, nggak ada yg bilang dia adil, dia maha kuasa.

basically (ini kedua kalinya g pake kata ini) Its normal to be encouraged setelah lo ikut seminar yg di gawangin ma orang sukses dibidang itu, mimpi jadi dokumenter kenamaan di negeri sendiri n eventually keracunan arsenik pas mau pergi ke luar negri buat beasiswa S2 jurnalistik.

and if you fail.. its absolute to fail once or twice atau setidaknya pas lo bkin goal yg terlaLU muluk, goal ga jelas kaya menang FFII n semacamnya n bukan for the sake of documentary bla bla bla

hehe, ngomong apa si g..

you just have to start another one and see if this one dont faIL..

idealis bgt ye?

tau deh

hmm..




banzai buat pipim one of my dearest friend (yg ternyata azas patimura benar2 diterapkannya) pacaran dulu sono, enjoy, udah.. lupain si siapa aja yang lo kejar kemaren, the show must go on right? n you deserve a better show, hopefully this one suits you right


BANZAAAAIIIII (>*<)!

talkin bout a revolution

talkin bout a revolution was a song by Tracy Chapman, thought I'd just shout it out.
But really, the more we've grown, the more we revolt.. or at least at some point change, into something, not necessarily better, but more structured. our goals are set, and though bitter facts about us too started to radiant, our getting smaller life was leading to a path, less adventurous, and despite its being monochrome, was simple, calm, and clear -if not dull-.

But that's all the essence of revolution i guess.. our state of finding out what we did, and how we were able to do it, the search of our mongoloid-ness and the effort to re-run it, in a more limited scope, or whatsoever.

it is a future advancement, but at the same time our careful setback, the time where we want to live our abandoned childhood, our past impossible dream, our crazy thought, that off course in a way now, can be make real.. at least in a month or four..

I have the feeling that I'd be good at this, this state of my simplicity, of taking no responsibility on massive social life, the uneeded mingle, or what so ever..

But i guess people were good at their own way, stepping their own path..

But at a point this so called revolution lead to the same meeting point, the agreed normal life; meeting someone, feeling the spark big enough to cause


There's no period at the end is there?

well, hey I live to tell the tale, and yes.. and no.. I'm really good at this, 'taking no responsibility on massive social life' but really no, it's getting boring, that probably social life is not that baaad..

it's time for a change of career I guess haha!!

a big lie

how many times do you want to call someone a day after her birthday saying "I'm not calling you on time because you're just not that important anymore for me.."

and how many time did it feel like a big lie

the price of a memory

waktu kuliah ada wallpaper windows XP yang menurut gue keren banget, gambar cewe yg lagi jalan pake singlet n celana khaki di poto dari belakang, tulisannya "walk away and move on, windows XP" apa coba.

hehe seperti biasa kata2 sederhana dan ga penting itu gua adopsi selama beberapa chapter yang panjang dalam hidup gue, sekitar tiga bulanan gitu deeh..

trus gue kepikiran hal yg bener2 significant.. mungkinkah.. dan kayanya bener!! windows bilang 'walk away and move on buat actually bilang "udah deh lupain aja karya2 gagal kita yang dulu2, windows 2000 yg kacau n ga compatible-an ama segala hal itu, windows 1998 yg kalo dibuat main game hang mulu dan yang virusnya paling kaya akan variasi, tinggalkan dan belilah operating system terbaru kami, windows XP!! (terdengar genderang kaya yg di show terakhirnya Roma Irama di SCTV jum'at kemaren) cukup US$1000, software dan asesoris tambahan dijual terpisah" lohh!!

dan tentu aja blog kali ini bukan tentang kebencian gue yang mengakar terhadap windoz (halaah benci benci tapi rindu, buktinya ngupdate mulu..) tapi karena cinta gue yang ga kesampaian terhadap apple, the designer's box (halah opo to)

ga..

kalo ga salah counting crows (menghitung gagak) di mbak poter lulabi, salah satu lagunya di album 'padang pasir apaa gitu' (mind the spelling, this is the indonesian translation) bilang "If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts" trus mereka juga bilang "And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrows it bring"

hehe keren banget bilang bahwa memories are films about ghosts, tapi kalimat yang kedua secara ngawur ala kadarnya dan tidak bertanggungjawab bakal gue artikan sebagai, harga sebuah kenangan itu terletak pada kesedihan yang dibawanya, and I can't seem to disagree..

(gue yang lagi reminiscence on things yang bener2 bikin gue merasa down n ga enak.. huhuuu memory emang menyebalkan, that's the price of it)

,bisa juga lo bilang "kan ga selalu?!".. nyolot banget ye? atau "nggak selalu kaleee.." hehe that's better.. tapi pikir deh, kenapa disebut kenangan dengan penyanyi 2 macam betaria sonata dan...





yup lo bener, blog ini gue tulis sekitar satu tahun yang lalu dan ga sempat gue selesaiin, gue bahkan ga tau lagi ni blog mo ngomongin tentang apa.. mungkin karena ga ada kesedihan didalamnya.. get it?

gile, intro yang lumayan panjang kan?

anyways, I will just post it, karena sekitar setahun yang lalu adalah masa2 dimana otak gue masi rada jalan dan.. kayanya gue ga bisa lagi nulis intro yang se 'lancar' ini, so there..